Mental Beatdown

Misconceptions About Lesbians

So, if you haven't figured this out yet, I'm a lesbian. 

Surprise.

I've been openly gay for a little over a year now, and I've figured out some bullshit that people spout about lesbians. So I'm gonna list this bullshit and explain why you should all shut the fuck up about it.

"So are you the guy in the relationship?"

I'm not normally a feminist, but holy shit when people say this. Guess what, people? Lesbians are not lost without a male influence in the relationship. There is no such thing as the "male" in the relationship. I'm talking strictly as is. So, like, if I were in a relationship with a girl, there wouldn't automatically be a "guy" in the relationship. But if one of the girls in the relationship is trans or asexual or gender-fluid or a laser-firing chair with satellite capabilities and they decide they want to be the "guy," go for it! I have no issues with it. 

But the common thing I get is, because I'm the kind of girl who buys gifts and runs to my girlfriend's class to walk her to her car with an umbrella when it's raining, that I'm the "guy in the relationship." No, asshole, I'm just a fucking nice person who enjoys giving gifts and making pretty girls blush. 

Despite what everyone seems to think, lesbians handle themselves just fine without a direct male influence. We're not crying and breaking down over who holds the door for the other person or who pays over dinner or who tops in bed. We figure it out. We have that capablity. 

Plus, that shit shouldn't even matter. I'd much prefer to hear "So, when did you meet?" or "Do you think she's the one?" instead of sexist bullshit that gets shoved down your throat 24/7 when you're a lesbian.

Most of us don't want threesomes.

This is going to sound weird, but it's true: two seperate couples I know have invited me to threesomes with them, assuming I'm fine with fucking a dude. I'm not. Normally it's the guy who has this idea in his head, mainly due to porn, but guess what? I don't want you near me when I'm fucking a girl. You can't sit in the corner. You can't watch. You can't be there. No. I don't give a shit. For some reason guys (and, on occasion, girls) seem to think that there's some sort of "limit" to lesbianism. There isn't. No matter if you got the most attractive man on the Earth, hard as hell, and said I could fuck him, I'd still say no. BECAUSE HE HAS A PENIS. 

So, guys, if your girlfriend has a lesbian friend and you think "Oh, she'll probably fuck my girlfriend, let's ask for a threesome," let me advise you:

a) You're fucking disgusting for assuming any lesbian will automatically fuck any other girl. Not how it works.

b) She very well might fuck your girlfriend, but it will be nowhere near you and you will not be able to watch, most likely. We don't like penises. We're lesbians. We hate them. I don't care if you hide it while you're fondling yourself or whatever; I still know it's there, and I still know what's going on. So no.

"Are you a lipstick lesbian?"

Fuck. Off. With this bullshit. 

As I've discussed before, the LGBT+ community hates lableling, but constantly labels itself. This is one of the times when I find that shit offensive.

To those of you who don't know, a feminine lesbian (i.e., she enjoys wearing dresses, wearing make-up, doing feminine things) is generally referred to as a "lipstick lesbian." That shit is annoying as fuck, let me tell you. I'm in that category, and I get that shit all the time. I'm not even that feminine. I just don't wear combat boots and my head isn't shaved.

That last part is where the offense comes in: why. Why is this necessary. Isn't "lesbian" enough? I am sexually attracted to girls. That's all you need to know. You don't need to know if my girlfriend enjoys wearing dresses or if I like doing my hair. That's fucking irrelevant. Plus, not being a feminine lesbian isn't an issue. People need to stop acting like it is. 

There's two types of people who approach this question: the type who act like feminine lesbians are fucking unicorns, and the type that think that one "type" of lesbian is better than the other. How about we just fucking calm it down on the labeling and leave me some privacy, yes? 

"But you dated/fucked a guy; how are you a lesbian?"

I can't say this applies to me, because I've never done either of those things and won't, but it does impact a lot of people and I'd like to address it.

A lot of homosexuals do not realize they're gay until later in life or, at the very least, in their middle-to-late teens. Their past dating and/or sexual history does not impact their sexuality because it takes a lot of fucking willpower to admit to it and some people have more trouble coming out than others.

Just because you know a lesbian who dated three guys in middle school and one in high school and comes out as a lesbian Senior year does not make her any less of a lesbian than me, the lesbian who has only dated girls. That is so fucking offensive that I can't even handle it, and it doesn't even apply to me! How dare you tell someone what their sexuality is just because of prior experiences. That's like saying "But you've only eaten chocolate ice cream before now, how can you like vanilla?" 

I CAN LIKE WHATEVER FUCKING ICE CREAM FLAVOR I WANT YOU IGNORANT MOTHERFUCKER.