So people keep tagging me to do this, and I can't remember their names. But thanks for making me take time out of my day to say dumb stuff about myself. Thanks. Assholes. So now I tag @netflixslut and @TheStarkiller. I don't know if anyone has already tagged them but whatever I do what I want.
1) I once did karaoke to "Take On Me" by A-Ha in the voice of Sean Connery. My friends have video of it to this day. I'm surprisingly fun at parties.
2) I'm a girl. I say this because tons of people still think I'm a guy. No. I'm female, believe it or not. I just don't like making it obvious because it's fun to watch people stumble and go "So... Are you...? I mean... How do I say this..."
3) I shamelessly buy Keds and it is a really bad habit. If I ever make a lot of money most of it will probably be funneled into my "buy whatever Keds Taylor Swift has released lately" habit that I have developed. She makes the cutest shoes, though!
4) One of my favorite people on Earth is the comedian Mike Birbiglia, and I had the pleasure of meeting him at a show he did in my (very small) town. He stayed behind after the show to talk to all two hundred or so people who showed up, despite being sick. He signed my poster and he let me give him a hug, and he didn't look at me weird when I squealed "YOU'RE MY HERO OH MY GOD."
5) I have a really shameless habit of sending really lame, really cheesy love playlists to anyone I'm dating. Past playlists have included "Come Fly With Me" by Frank Sinatra and "Can't Help Falling in Love" by Elvis Presley. Sometimes I don't send them because they're too cheesy. The one I just mentioned was never sent. I sent it to a friend who enjoys old music as much as I do, but I never sent it to the person I was dating at the time. And, before you ask, I'm single now.
6) For a really long time I wanted to be a comedian, but my crippling fear of traveling kind of destroyed that idea. I've always tinkered with the idea of doing comedy shows on Soundcloud or something, but I've never really decided how I'd do it.
7) On that same note, I once (and still do) have an intensely brilliant idea that no one will help me work out— a website for live comedy shows where the comedian just talks into their mic and uploads it. Kind of like a comedy album, but all on this website, for a really minimal monthly fee (like five dollars or something). I know this would make me shitloads of money but none of my friends will code it and I only know how to code Python (that's right— I know how to code. Line up, ladies) so I can't really do it. Also, if you steal my idea, I will fucking flay you alive and leave you to the birds.
8) I'm really dorky. My friends have a habit of comparing me to Pam from The Office, which is really nice, because I've had a huge crush on her forever so. But yeah, I collect comics and action figures, and I'm one of those people that will act like a five year old if you ever take me out. My friend took me to get a dress for her recently because she was going on a date with her boyfriend, and I just immediately started hiding in the dress racks and asking the service lady if they had a dress in "Soul Chocolate."
9) I have a shameless love of sweaters but it is way too hot where I live to ever wear one, even in the winter. So I just have my significant other wear one whenever possible if I'm dating anyone. Seriously, if you ever want to date me, buy a damn sweater.
10) I have a really weird obsession for polka dots and stripes. It almost borders on a fetish. I think they're so cute and weirdly hot and ugh.
11) Once I was giving an "About Me" presentation for class and someone yelled out "YOU'RE SUCH A HIPSTER." I just kind of stared at them and said "Yes, and the sky is blue. Your point?"
12) John Oliver is the love of my life I love him okay don't judge me.
13) I once had a friend who was very religious and wanted to take me to a "Hell House" to try and "cure" me of my homosexuality. I said "No thanks, I like having cuddle sessions with sweet girls, but do call me if you ever want to fuck a girl. Maybe we could have a miracle and you can get me pregnant! Immaculate conception, am I right?" She got super pissed.
*Note: I have no problem with religion, but that really pissed me off. So I poked fun at her a bit. No hard feelings to any religious people out there.
14) To date I've seen Iron Maiden, The Kills, Bob Dylan, My Morning Jacket, Bon Iver, The Staves (they opened for Bon Iver but it was so fucking good that I count it as a seperate show), Radiohead, Queens of the Stone Age, and Wilco twice live. They were all amazing except, surprisingly, Bob Dylan. He sounded like he was gargling some dude's balls the whole show. So we fucked off and left. Queens of the Stone Age, though, were amazing. They played for two hours straight without stopping, then came back for a thirty-or-so minute encore. Bon Iver had the walls shaking during "The Wolves (Act I and II)," because everyone screamed along with him at the "what might have been lost don't bother me" part. Really emotional and incredible.
15) I won "Best Female Student" in elementary school, mostly because the teachers thought I had a funny sense of humor.
16) I can actually sing semi-okay when I want to, but whenever I'm in a Skype call with anyone I'm too embarrassed to sing in my actual singing voice. If that makes sense. So I just end up sounding like an asshole, but that's normal for me.
17) Despite liking to sound cool and saying that I'm stone-hearted, it's actually really easy to make me blush if you try hard enough. I'm a sucker for compliments, and if you can make me laugh at the same time my heart is basically yours. I cry really easily too, and any time I listen to certain songs I automatically cry, as though on cue. It's really pathetic, and not in the "awww, it's a helpless puppy" way. More in the "you need to get a girlfriend or something" way.
18) About 20% of my writing is on WattPad. The other 80% is either trashed, shelved, or being worked on. Most of it will never be seen by you guys and that's great because most of it is pure, utter shit. If you count letters that I write from time to time about people that I care about, then about 7% of my writing is on here.
19) I've never participated in any sport because sports are for fucking nerds. I jog and very occasionally go swimming when my self-esteem allows it. But fuck sports.
20) I REALLY WISH MY PROFESSOR WOULD FIX MY GRADE CONSIDERING I DID THE ASSIGNMENT AND I GOT A 0% ON IT BUT NO WHATEVER TAKE YOUR FUCKING TIME I MEAN YOU'RE NOT PRESSURED INTO A JOB YOU DON'T WANT AND YOU AREN'T FORCED INTO AN EDUCATION FOR SOMETHING THAT YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO PURSUE SO NO TAKE YOU'RE FUCKING TIME AND SLEEP OR WATCH WATERWORLD OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT TO DO BECAUSE IT'S NOT LIKE I NEED A GOOD GRADE IN YOUR CLASS I MEAN IT ONLY COUNTS AS THREE CLASSES AT ONCE SINCE IT'S INTERDISCIPLINARY HONORS BUT NO TAKE YOUR FUCKING TIME.
YOU ARE READING
Mental Beatdown
RandomA book about the stuff I hate and why I hate it. And whatever else I want to throw in there because I don't follow your rules. NOTE: Seriously if you read any of this and get offended just shhhh because I really don't feel like hearing it at all.
