Pocket Full Of Proses.

Personal.

// The campus ghost //

So here I was,
walking on the basketball ground
we used to play on,
remember?

Full moon night and a cool breeze
On days like these, one does feel poetic
doesn't he?
Dragging my feet
without you
cold and lonely
suddenly hit me how long it has been since you left me.

You left me
but I also don't want you to come back
The place is the same but the circumstances aren't
I've changed significantly and so have you.
Never realised your worth and now you're gone, I'm sorry.

You left me,
all of you
but I stayed.
Am I the ghost or is it you?
I am the campus fool.

Here I am
sitting on the same basketball ground
we used to play on
alone
you left, but the memories stayed.
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Take me back to the days
when music pierced through my soul
and left me wounded for days.
When did I become a stone
who's heart remains unaffected
who feels not joy, not pain?

What is it?
Part of growing up
or a handcrafted curse?
Please say it won't get worse.

Turn it loud, and louder
just to feel something.

This sound like magic,
pierced through my soul like an arrow
and intoxicates meike no wine could ever
Shakes me up, leads me to heaven,
perhaps to hell,
nevertheless to a new realm.

Oh no! There we go again!

Bring me back those days
when music pierced through my soul
and left me wounded for days.
When did I become a stone
who's heart remains unaffected
who feels not joy, not pain?

What is it?
Part of growing up
or a handcrafted curse?
Tell me it won't get worse.

LOUDER AND LOUDER
just to feel something.

Oh no! There we go again!
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// Outcast //

The once present
is now past.
The ones present
are now past.
The ones present
will they last?
Or will they too make me feel
Outcast?
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// Alexithymia //

Happy or sad?
Frustrated or mad?
Hey, listen!
Be glad!
Some of us have Alexithymia.
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// Final Goodbye. //

You're not my type anymore
Let's end this fight.
I'm not your type anymore
Let's take it light.
It's time to separate paths,
this is my final Goodbye.
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// Daylight //

When that first ray of sunshine
shines in, I know I'm safe.
The night that filled me with fear
can no longer force out
another tear.

When the first ray of hope emerges
I know I'm safe.
Another opportunity,
let's get up before it's too late.

Let's hope to see
yet another opportunity,
yet another day.
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Sometimes, I cannot fall asleep at all. I'm not generally afraid of ghosts, but on one of these nights, I get afraid of nothing. No matter how cold the room is, I start sweating and no matter how physically and mentally tired I am, I cannot fall asleep. I do for an hour or so, then somehow wake up again; this happens all night. The only explanation I have is anxiety but it doesn't completely make sense. This poem was written after one such night.

Because I stay awake all night being scared, when the first ray of sunshine seeps in through the window, I finally feel at peace. I woke up that day and my intuition presented me with the piece, I later wrote it down on paper and here it is.
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// Silent Chaos. //

[Version 1]
Silently moving
amidst this silent chaos
wondering if I'll ever make it.
Trying to hold on tight,
still falling bit by bit.
In this cold and bitter night
wondering if I'll ever make it.
You say it gets better,
doesn't it?

[Version 2]
Silently moving
amidst this silent chaos
wondering if I'll ever make it.
Trying to hold on tight,
still falling bit by bit.
In this cold and bitter night
wondering if I'll ever make it.
It gets better,
does it?
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Let's talk about the title first, it's made up of two contradictory words, that's the origin of the poem. These two words popped with into my head out of no where and I wrote them down because I thought it was interesting.

Later, I developed it into a poem while editing for my Instagram posts. This was mostly a free verse, it came to me on its own just like most poems I've written. Blame ✨ Introverted Intuition✨ The thing that fascinates me about this one is how changing one word changes the whole vibe of the poem. 'Doesn't it?' sounds a bit more hopefully while 'does it?' sounds pessimistic.
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