Roomies (boyxboy)

Why Do the Holidays Always Suck?

Why Do the Holidays Always Suck?

"Ryan...Ryan, listen to me. We can say it was a joke. Just a prank."

Ryan sat back on the bed, his face draining of all color, eyes wide. Cameron grabbed his chin, trying to get him to focus on him.

"Ryan! Ryan...it's ok...we can fix this. We can say....we can say I paid you or something....just to mess with everyone...No one will believe it. It was just a joke, ok. I'll text her right now." He grabbed his cell.

Cameron to All: April Fools! On Christmas! I paid Ryan 20 bucks to kiss me, just to mess with you Diego! Love you baby, you're my one and only." And added a bunch of laughing emojis for insurance. And took a selfie of him sticking his tongue out at everyone.

Cameron shoved his phone in Ryan's hands. "See, I fixed it. She'll believe me. She'd never guess. You would never like me. It's ok. See. I fixed it."

Cameron was panicking. Ryan just sat there, not saying a word. It brought back the moment Ryan broke up with him. He'd had that same kind of dead look in his eyes back then too.

"Ryan...I ...can I get you something.......Can I do anything?" And he would do anything, anything to make Ryan stop looking like this.

"Why am I like this?" Ryan said quietly, looking at the wall.

"Wh..what? Like what?"

"Why couldn't I just like Miranda? Why am I like this? Why is this so....messed up?" Ryan's voice was monotone. "I hate feeling like this. I'm just so tired."

Cameron wanted to understand. Wanted to listen. Wanted to be there while Ryan tried to figure this out. Wanted to be a good boyfriend.

But....

But he KNEW with his brain, Ryan loved him. Just last night they laid out the rest of their lives together. How they wanted to decorate their new house. What color they would paint the bedroom.

But his heart felt bruised, hearing Ryan say he hated the part of himself that loved Cameron. At least, that's how it sounded to him.

"I think," Cameron took a deep breath. "I think maybe you should call her, and spend the rest of the day with her. Then it looks less suspicious."

"Ok. That's a good idea. I'm going to text her and take a shower. Can you tell Jess and everyone I'm not going to make it for dinner?" Mike and Cameron had planned on making a big spread for early Christmas dinner. "I'll eat with Miranda and her family. Then I'll just head home. Ok?" Ryan wasn't looking at him. His voice still sounded so weird.

"Sure. Of course." Cameron forced himself to smile. "Makes sense." He left the room and went immediately to the bathroom, where he stood in front of the mirror. Looking carefully at himself. Short body, scraggly long brown hair, dull grey eyes. He scrubbed the tears off his face.

"Stop it." He hit his reflection with a soft fist. "He still loves you. He's just freaking out. It's still ok. You need to understand him. You need to stop being selfish."

After drying his eyes, he went into the kitchen, where Mike was sitting at the kitchen table, looking out over his garden. From the window, Cameron could hear the other's playing hide and seek. Leah's squeals echoing over the backyard as Coach discovered her.

"Do you want some tea, honey?" Mike asked, already heading to the kettle.

"Yes, please." Cameron sat carefully in the chair, knees up, his hands wrapped around them, his head resting.