Getting to know you [WinTeam]

Chapter 13 [What happens in the dark]

Narrator

It is not easy to miss someone. Equally as hard is missing the fun times you're imaging you could be having. It can be an idea of a person you're missing, or the person themselves. A change in relationship is hard to accept, especially when you still see the person that you miss. At times where you used to laugh together, you now exchange polite greetings and a courteous 'how are you?' You start to wonder if the person actually cares how you are, and if it would be better to stay away if they don't. But, what if it isn't the end of the relationship? What if something can be mended somehow? Why are we still exchanging courtesies if we don't care about each other? What if you care too much to let it go? Will you never face them honestly again?

***

It's been two weeks and nothing has changed between Win and Team. Team is exhausted of the distance between them. Honestly, he hasn't given much thought to the kiss or his sexuality. All he's been thinking about is wanting things to be normal again with Win. He wants to go back in time and just pretend like nothing ever happened. Even now, seeing Win at the edge of the pool during team practice he seems so distant. Team's been pondering over it for a while, but he doesn't think Win will reach out to him this time. He's never had to do something like this before, usually people come up to him, or he doesn't care enough to go up to them. But now he is seriously torn. He is nervous about talking to him, yet he can't stop thinking that he has to try. 

"That's it for todays practice, good job everyone!" Dean ends the practice and motions everyone towards the showers. Would today be the right time? Is there ever a right time to have a talk like this? He is not even sure what kind of talk 'this' is going to be, but right now he is just thinking sooner rather then later. Team will stay behind after showering and try to talk to Win, he has to try.

He takes a quick shower and gets dressed, he is one of the quickest to get done. Win is just coming out of the shower when Team takes a seat on a bench in the changing room. The boys have a brief moment of eye contact, but it is quickly broken by Team who feels embarrassed and nervous for what he is about to do. Win is used to this by now, they barely talk and only exchange quick glances that don't lead to anything. He lets out a soft sigh and goes to get changed. Meanwhile, Team is nervously shifting around on the bench. He can barely sit still as he tries his best to control his nervousness. He barely manages to let out a "Win" just in time before the boy leaves. Win stops dead in his tracks and looks back over his shoulder to the boy behind him still sitting on the bench. He doesn't say anything and waits for him to speak. "Can we talk?" Win now fully turns around to face the nervous boy on the bench, he tries to meet his eyes but every time he does the boy shyly looks away. There is a soft blush on Teams face that one can barely make out in the dimly lit changing rooms, but Win notices it. He represses a smile that he wishes to show to the blushed boys face and walks up to him. "Of course we can," is Wins response. He doesn't pretend not to know what the talk is about, because it is obvious to the both of them. Team looks around the changing room where there are still some boys getting changed, "not here."

The boys move to the women's changing room, knowing that it'd be empty at this time. They take place on two benches facing each other and sit for a bit in the silent and dark room. "We haven't been talking much," Team starts off. Win tries to look him in the eyes, but Team finds it easier to speak his mind while facing the floor. "We haven't," Win agrees. "I don't like it when we don't talk," Team speaks clearly despite his nerves. "I don't like it either," Win agrees again. Team feels something stir inside of him. It is a good feeling knowing that Win feels the same, but at the same time his words make his heart beat faster and Team can feel it in his throat. After a quick pause to recompose himself Team continues, "I know that the reason that we don't talk is quite..." He doesn't find the exact word he is looking for and instead settles on 'serious'. "But I don't think it has to ruin our friendship," in the confinements of the unlit women's changing room Team finds comfort in the darkness, it doesn't seem as scary to speak his mind this way, as long as Win can't see his face he thinks he can say anything. "Truthfully, I don't know if that moment meant anything to me. I was drunk. I have never done anything like that before, and I don't know what to think," he pauses for a bit. He wonders if Win will be able to accept his emotions like this. They're unclear and hard to understand even for Team. "But I can't even think about any of that, because all I can think about now is how awkward it is between us," another pause. "And... how I want to talk with you." 

Win can hardly believe what he is hearing. He didn't expect Team would ever come up to him to talk, he thought it was over between them and that he had chased him away with his persistence. Now here they are, and Team says he misses him and wants to talk with him again. It almost feels like a confession to Win and he can feel his heartbeat rising slightly at this thought. Will Team think about it if we start talking again? It's an optimistic thought running through his mind. Team wanting to talk seems like a proposition to keep the door open to the idea of something more then friendship between them. "I guess I just wish we could pretend that nothing happened and we could talk again," Teams words echo in Wins head. Pretend that nothing happened. It does not sound fair to Win at all. How can he pretend that it never happened when it was such a wonderful moment to him? Though, the moment has been ruined in his mind already because of the aftermath. Nothing to do about that of course, but he had hoped it would turn into a nice memory. "You want to pretend like nothing happened?" Wins tone sounds harsher then he intended it to be. Team dares to look up at the boy in front of him. The unlit room casts their faces in shadows and is hard to make out their impression. Team meets Wins eyes barely through the darkness, he can't be sure of what he is seeing but in the dark he doesn't feel as scared to look him in the eyes. "I just want us to be friends again," Teams voice is soft but certain and it hits Win right in the heart. Of course, it is selfish of Team to ask such a thing of Win, it hurts him. However, truthfully he wants to just talk to the boy again as well. It would be selfish of Win to hide his feelings and pretend that he is okay with pretending just to get close to Team again. But he can't get the idea out of his head that Team might consider the kiss if they start talking again. If Team can be selfish and ask for him to pretend it never happened. Can he not be selfish as well and wait for Team by his side? Yet... 

"I don't know if I can pretend nothing happened between us," Wins voice floats around the room and weighs heavy on Teams shoulders. Win examines Teams face in the dark. He appears to be black and white, yet to Win his cheeks still seem a flushed pink. The darkness makes the distance between them seem great, Win can't help but want to close it. In the dark and still room any movement appears to be a lot, but when Win extends his hand towards Team, Team doesn't react to it. The blonde haired boy reaches out to the boy in front of him, he wants to feel the warmth of his blushed face and the softness of his skin. Gently he caresses the boys cheek. In the darkness it is hard to be certain of anything, but Win could almost swear Team leaned into it. Still looking him in the eyes, he is greeted by a gaze that seems soft and accepting. His eyes glance down to the boys plump lips and without giving it a second thought his thumb runs over them. There isn't any resistance and it makes Wins heart beat faster. Teams mind is racing as his heart beats in his throat. The hand feels soft and warm and he might even enjoy its touch, but this is not what he had in mind at all. "Can you pretend there is nothing here?" Win whispers as his thumb still lingers on the other boys lips. A soft hand removes his own. He is expecting to be let go, but surprisingly the hand holds onto his. "Out there I can pretend anything," Win isn't sure what to make of these words but Teams eyes speak to him and he surrenders, "if that's what you want." There is a brief pause and the air feels thick in the room, then Win shoots Team a quick smile and makes his leave. Leaving the boy behind on the bench in the dark room.