It's not your fault

Reality is harsh

just a heads up this sad af bc I woke up today and chose violence. This is also the last chapter but I will be starting an abusive leopika angst bc ✨sad shit✨ I also may write a book of oneshots tho😩🤚

-Killuas POV-

I let out an agonizing scream as if I was being stabbed to death. "G-GON!" I stammered, simultaneously kurapika and Leorio darted to us as I panicked over gons cold body. It took about a second to Leorio and kurapika to pick up the situation and they exchanged panicky and sad glances.

Leorio started up on cpr and kurapika dialed for 911. Minutes later ambulances came and put his lifelessly cold and pale body down onto a stretcher and carried him out.

I looked at kurapika and Leorio, with my face dripping tears. The shock had me paralyzed. All I could stammer was "G-Gon" before running to my room and slamming the door.

How long wasn't he breathing. How long was I laying with his dead body. My breathing hitched to stifle out any louder cries. My main question that needed to be answered. Is he dead? If so I could've saved him by noticing earlier.

I've been here before. Gons dying. During his fight with neferpitou he shut me out. And look where that got him. He shut me out during the abuse. And now he's dying because I couldn't help him sooner.

This is driving me crazy, I know one thing. And that's if gon dies I'm following him. It's as simple as that. I occasionally paced my room, waiting for any answers. Gon hasn't even heard that Leorios a real doctor now. He passed his medical exams a few days after gon moved In with ging and became an intern at the hospital he's currently at.

I don't even think he knows that Leorio and kurapika are dating. They only started dating a few days before everything started so never had a chance to tell him. There's so much I want him to know about. But his life is getting cut short.

In the trance of my though I didn't know that Leorio entered my room and tapped my shoulder. "We can see him now." He gently said. I softly sniffled as we were drove to the hospital.

At least kurapika was here this time. We got the number to gons room and headed into the small white-walled room. He sat in bed with hooked up to all kinds of machines. Clips on his fingers. Wires stuck to his chest. I watched the heart beat monitor move rhythmically to small beeps when his heart moves. Maybe everything would actually be ok. I kept looking him over. His blood matted hair covered half of his tired face.

A breathing mask covered the rest. I brushed his hair away and smiled at the beautiful boy laying still beneath me. Even through the beeps from all the equipment surrounding him I could hear his wheezy and pained breaths.

In a instance he started crashing. The heart monitor sped until it felt as if it was one continuous sound. An attending nurse sprinted in and hit a button on a wall alerting all staff to a 'code blue' more doctors ran in, ushering us out before I could even process the situation.

After a few seconds my shock dissipated and I looked at Leorio who uncomfortably and nervously tapped a foot on the ground. My sharp breaths turned to sobs as I had witnessed my everything dying.

Kurapika tried comforting me between his own pained noises. I felt terrible for him. He lost his clan to the phantom troupe. He wasn't there for Gon the first time and he thinks he drove me to suicide. Everything seemed to be going horribly for everyone.

20 minutes later, a doctor emerged from gons room with a melancholy look while shaking his head. "He didn't make it, We tried everything we could but his enteral damage, head trauma, and staphylococcus infections were too extensive to be treated without hours worth of surgery." I froze, my eyes went blank and My mouth felt glued shut. The doctor continued speaking "We were informed about his father, Ging Freeccs. And all the police reports filed against him." My blood boiled at the mentioning of that bastards name. "Ging was arrested about a day ago for an array of crimes." He paused to take a breath. "The police said they wouldn't reveal to the public his crimes but obviously he's getting time in prison for child abuse per The extent of gons injuries, He might get time for gons  murder"

Kurapika was the first to speak "w-wait he's really gone?" He asked unsurely, only receiving a Small nod from the doctor. He ran off, I assumed to a bathroom sobbing. I sat there still comprehending the doctors words. I recalled earlier thoughts 'if he dies I'm following him'

Running off, leaving Leorio to speak with the doctor I sprinted up the stairs to the roof. Taking off my shoes and white tear stained shirt that covered my blue turtleneck, I placed them in a pile and stood up onto the roofs railing. With my back facing the sky and face towards the entrance to the roof I shut my eyes. I leaned back, letting my body free fall.
.
.
.
.
I didn't  fall for more then a half second  before something gripped my wrist. It dislocated as I opened my eyes. Kurapika hoisted me back up with a panicked yet unreadable look on his face.
He pulled me into a hug as I pathetically screamed and sobbed into his chest. Leorio ran up to us and pulled us off the roof and brought us down to the car. "I just want to see h-him" I cried as Leorio began taking us home. A realization struck me hard. No one ever got to say goodbye. He struggled so much to get to us and then died in my arms. The one person he struggled to find hurt him. And killed him.

his goal killed him. I sobbed louder as kurapika tried to stifle his cries off. Leorio stayed silent in deep thought. "W-why did Gon have to leave us." I asked not kurapika and Leorio but life. Why was life so cruel to us. We got home and I ran to the spot on the couch where Gon was last. His small familiar frog toy sat there. The one I got him. It was tattered and torn. It had haphazard stitch marks across it. I bawled my eyes out until I eventually passed out from exhaustion. I just wish I don't wake up. So I can see him again.

His efforts were succeeded yet failed. He made it to us. But he didn't make it himself. I still refuse to except he's dead. If only he never moved in with ging he would've made it. We could've been happy together. But ging ruined it. Ging killed him. Before I could even say my goodbyes to the poor boy he was withering away from life in the hospital. He did it all for nothing at all. He deserved none of it. Life should've taken me out instead of that pure boy from whale island. I hope he's happy with mito up there, and I'll be joining him soon.

————————————————————————-

WAHHH IM GONNA CRY WRITING THIS-

I apologize for the bad ending lol this is angst for a reason.