cigarettes ☹ alex turner

XVIII

XVIII

Kimberly Eve Browne

"WHY THE HELL did you say that?" I shout to Richard once we left the classroom. I was beyond furious, as I'm sure anyone would be in this strange, completely unfathomable situation. "Anyone could've gotten the wrong idea! God knows what they're thinking right now, Richard! He might get sacked-"

"Why are you taking his side?" Richard speaks, cutting me off, "after everything he's done to you, you're defending him! Who gives a shit if he gets sacked! He used you, he used you like a," he pauses, a disgusted look plastered on his face, "a thing, not even a fucking person!"

It was the second slap in the face, the first one being when Alex told me that what we had was fake. I hated talking about him, but what I was telling Richard now had to be said! He couldn't just give shit to Alex because of something that happened between us.

"He doesn't have the human decency to give you basic respect; to not be used-"

"So? Should I be as 'bad' as he is? He's still a person. Don't do you dare anything like that again, ok?" I ask, but it sounded more of a demand then a question.

Richard shakes his head. "I get this, Kim," he says, nodding whilst making eye contact with me. "You are dead set still in love with him, God fucking knows why but honestly anything bad that does happen wouldn't be the worst thing in the world now would it? Do you want a recap of what he's done because I can-"

"Shut up, Richard. Life goes on, okay. Can we just end it here please?" I plead, coming off perhaps a little rude.

"No need to act all rude about it. Why are you so uncomfortable about this, we've talked about him before-"

"I said to end it there," I tell him firmly, beginning to lose my patience.

"Yeah? Well I don't want to, how 'bout that?" He shoots back.

"Well that's really fucking new, you not understanding that people have boundaries," I replied, and I could feel my rage taking control. Everything that had been bothering me bubbled all together - vigorously.

"Look Kim, I'm overprotective and I just want to know-"

"Fuck you," I say and glare at him before running to 505 and locking myself in there, feeling an anxiety attack crawling towards me.

There it was, the feeling again. The walls were closing in towards me, squishing me to bits, making me feel as though millions of people were around me whilst in actuality I was all by myself in our place.

As I slid against the wall, my leg shook uncontrollably and I knew for a fact that it was coming and I wasn't even bothered to fight it, I let it control me, I let it become me.

This didn't feel real, I felt so detached from my surroundings. With a chest pain, uncontrollable shaking and detachment from the world, I knew exactly what was happening and what I was feeling. I didn't know any other feeling better.

It felt like I was having a heart attack, with the graphic chest pains I was feeling, thumping out of my chest and I wouldn't be surprised if my life was to slip from my fingers in a second. I might not even care.

Twenty minutes pass and the feeling is gone, but I'm still overwhelmed. I suppose that it was just one of those things that you could never get used to. Once I got a grip of myself, I stood up and took a look around.

This was the room, the rooms in which all the memories came back; the room that in I could never forget. I remember talking to him after sir Bloomsbury called us in. When he first introduced us to this room.