cigarettes ☹ alex turner

IX

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I FELT THE same thing I never seemed to stop feeling. Nervousness and anxiety bubbled and overflowed within me; this time more than ever.

My legs were trembling and failing to hold me upright. My teeth never seemed to lack success in the doing of stopping the action of biting my lips as all my movements became faster than usual.

Formally, Sir Bloomsbury opened the door for me as I mumbled a quiet 'thank you' before walking in somewhat peacefully.

My eyes remained on the floor as Sir took in a deep breath before speaking. "You are questioning your existence in this room, I believe."

I nod; not wanting to speak.

"The answer is very simple; yet very, very complicated," he spoke and I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but that is the biggest load of bullshit I had ever heard. That made absolutely no sense whatsoever.

He chuckles, noticing my confusion as I flush in embarrassment. Well fucking done, Kimberly!

"Take a seat and I will try to make this sound as simplistic as I can," he says and gestures to the seat in front of his desk.

I obediently do as he requested, as I fumble around with my fingers, waiting for the next set of instructions.

Taking a seat, Sir Bloomsbury makes sure to make the action of eye contact consistent. "First of all, I would like you to calm down; this isn't a chastisement session, this is more of a proposition. "

I wipe my sweaty palms against the material of my skirt and take slow, deep breaths.

What kind of proposition? I have never been offered a proposition in school that isn't somewhat academic.

"Would you mind informing me of this 'proposition'?" I try to say in the most un-sarcastic voice I could muster.

He envelops his fingers together before looking at me. "I am fully aware of your smoking habits," he says and grabs a packet of Dunhill's, "Cigarette?"

I gasp in shock. I never expected to get caught for this. I never had got caught before, and I had been smoking for around two years.

He lights up the cigarette and places it between my fingers and I clench my fist, trying to control the urge of smoking it.

The familiar odour of cigarette smoke and tobacco began to fill the room and into my nostrils; being used to it, I didn't feel the urge to cough. It was all too familiar.

He chuckles and ruffles my hair. "Just kidding. You don't actually think I'll make you?"

I shake my head as he grabs the cigarette from my fingers and smokes it himself. He glances his watch with a furrow of his eyebrows. "He should be here by now," he mutters in slight annoyance.

I join him in the action of furrowing his eyebrows. Who should be here by now? I try and think of people who were to be here, but no one came to mind.

Sir shakes his head and looks to me again. "Right. I'm going to continue anyways; it looks as though you desperately need answers."

Are you fucking stupid? Of course I need answers.

"I've been aware in regards to your anxiety, for some time now," he sighs. "Your parents, as I'm sure you know, are very concerned."

I roll my eyes. "I'm, I'm fine."