cigarettes ☹ alex turner

IV

THE DINNER, SURPRISINGLY and shockingly didn't go as bad as I had once thought.

I, of course, got away with not eating once again, which actually made me quite happy, whereas if I ate, I would have this endless guilt built up in the pit of my stomach; even if I tried to vomit it all out. I read numerous tips online that helped - talking a lot, eating slowly and cutting food in tiny little pieces and ending up eating about 100 calories.

I hadn't eaten for a whole three days. I'm actually quite proud of myself. Yes, I am quite the drowsy one, but I feel so much lighter and feeling skinny and slim was probably the best thing.

Apparently, the human body could go sixty days without food, but not a single day without water. I'm glad the body could do this, but I know even if it couldn't; I would still do it anyways.

I was even happier that my body was slowly and gradually getting used to the fact that I wasn't eating so I got hungry less frequently which as a whole made starving myself a whole lot easier.

I'm not at the state that I want. I still have to lose a few more kilos, but I'm getting there. People say that size doesn't define us, but it does for me. People have good traits and things about them. I have neither, so unfortunately my weight has to define me. My weight has always been under my control, and once it is where I want to be, I will be able to love myself.

My remainder of the night was spent looking carefully and analysing every word, letter and syllable of Alex Turner's works. I'm ashamed of this; as I'm not going to get sleep, even if I try. I also read online that reading helps you feel sleepy; hopefully I can get some sort of sleep.

Publishing your independent works which were self edited online is probably the best thing about the Internet. People are becoming more and more successful just because of the Internet itself.

Many others would consider my admiration of his works obsessive. I wouldn't; I most certainly wouldn't. He is a talented man, and I hate that nowadays when you like or love something, everyone classes it as an obsession.

Obsession means that having an endless need to know everything and no less than everything. Obsession was taking admiration and putting it to an even higher level, which was obviously blasting-through- the- roof high.

Alex Turner's works are without a doubt, absolutely incredible and I haven't seen anything in his style in a long time and I love it. I love the originality it has within it. I love the choice of words.

You'd think that someone with a beautiful choice of words has an equal amount of beauty in the region of their words and I believe that. I think Alex Turner, as a person, is a spontaneous romantic; who didn't get his romantic ideas from cheesy love stories, but from his desires.

I can't be sure of everything. I can't be sure of what person he is just because I want him to be exactly that; I can't.

Clicking away, my eyes look at the brightening screen in front of me that was brighter than needed because of the switched-off lights. The air in my room is crisp and cold, my arms wrapped in a lovely warm blanket making me completely unaware of the temperature of the room.

He shares his work on a website called 'Poetic Arts' where you can personalize your own site and people can follow, like, share and repost your works. It's just a whole site dedicated to the arts of poetry.

My eyes widened as a notification popped up.

'AlexTurner is requesting to chat. Would you like to accept?"

My heartbeat speeds up. Alex Turner is requesting to talk to me. Me! Out of all amazing people, he chooses to talk to someone completely out of the ordinary. My fingers shakily but quickly clicks 'Accept' and it opens a chat.