𝓑𝓲𝓷𝓭 S. Aizawa

Chapter 38 | Starving

I closed my eyes and waited, I longed for some type of physical touch, it was almost humiliating. Expecting something, anything, I anticipated.

Nothing came, I opened my eyes to see Aizawa standing straight up. He yanked my hair back a bit, and I gave a small whine.

"That's too bad." He let go and turned around, walking to the kitchen.

My head was still leaned back and I stared at the ceiling in stupefaction, I couldn't believe what just happened. How could I embarrass myself like that, giving in? I literally closed my eyes and waited, for what? I'm ashamed, I can't even hold myself in for a second, but that hair pull. That hair pull made me go crazy, I don't know why. I'm not addicted to pain or anything like that it's just, that was hot. The way he towered over me, staring down at my face. His eyes were traveling up my chest to my lips, it felt like he was almost undressing me with his eyes. Like he wanted to eat me whole, I don't know but that hungry look in his eyes, made me feel things unholy. I wish I could put back those thoughts but my body is still shaking at the thought of him so close, yanking my hair. Every part of my body was crying, for some type of physical feeling, but there was nothing I could do.

Having Aizawa touch me in ways that aren't appropriate for school sounds so incredibly tempting. That's the problem though, they aren't appropriate for school and I know I would regret it right after. We are teachers, not married, and we aren't dating. In a sense he has no right to touch me the way he does, but that doesn't stop me from liking it. I don't want to, I really, really don't, but there's something he does and I can't point it out. Frankly, I don't know what it is.

I feel like I need a break from Aizawa all together, how am I going to get through this till Monday? This is torture, and he doesn't even care, about my feelings or about how he treats me. I don't even know what I'll do when I hit my limit, I'm terrified. I don't know how much more I can take, he's hitting a certain nerve, and I can only ignore it for so long. I just wish he wasn't such an asshole, making me yearn for his touch, even when he's directly touching me. When he looks at me, up and down, it might as well be physical touch. It feels so degrading, like he's trying to rip me apart and humiliate me. I bet he can see that I'm struggling, yet he chooses to lead it on. He's such a dick, but I do hope I'm not that obvious with how much I want it.

If I am that obvious, then that means his intention is to make me feel small, manipulate me. He can see me melt and give in under his touch, but he continues to come right back. That's an honest red flag, but how do I even entirely know what he's doing? I can only guess, and it sucks, but there's really nothing I can do. Just sit back and let him take advantage of me as a teacher? His partner even, that's the one thing I can do though, fight back, maybe. It's so infuriating, I can't figure anything out and I'm just sitting here with jumbled thoughts, as Aizawa calmly searches the kitchen, no care at all. He shows no hint of bother, and no intention of ever caring. I don't know if I want to strike him or cry. Cry in pity of myself? That I can't do anything about what's happening, but it's a matter of the question; what is happening? I don't know, I can't tell if he truly is manipulating me, or if he's making a point, something, I have no idea.

I don't want to lead it on, but maybe if I just wait it out I'll detect why he does this and what his intentions truly are.

Before I came to this school I really was in utter agony, everyday. That doesn't change the fact that in the few moments I had found out I would be attending UA as a teacher, I felt real happiness. That happiness is what I've been keeping up, making myself move and ignore Aizawa. I had this big painted picture of UA, especially its teachers, I don't know how it looks anymore. The students seem so nice but Aizawa is making it hard for me, on the teacher side.

What's really eating at me is deep down I know I have an infatuation with Aizawa, I'm just assuring myself I hate him. That I don't want anything to do with him, or that he's putting me under some trance. I don't want to listen to the deep part of me but it's nagging, and I know it's attached to my kinks and preferences. I can't peel it off of me and I know if Aizawa gets too close again, something might happen. That's why, I don't know my next move, it's so hard to think. He's not making anything better by having me stay at his place, I think my liking for him is growing slowly, but there's nothing I can do about it. I need it to stop.