Alpha's Little Mate | 18+

2 I always feel like somebody's watching me

I've felt anxious and uncomfortable all day. The moment I left my apartment something felt off. I can't pinpoint what it is, I just can't shake the feeling.

I'm taking lunch in the small cafe near the library. Flo has a story hour for two and three year olds today. While I normally wait for this day all week, I'm not sure I can handle it today. All it will take is an excited shriek from one of those adorable little rascals and I'll have a nervous breakdown.

I've been jumpy all day. There hasn't been a single patron in the library since we opened, yet I find myself certain I'm being watched.

I tuck myself into a small corner table at the cafe. No one can sneak up behind me with my back to the wall.

I eat my pesto panini while reading this week's newest best seller. A shudder runs down my spine as I jerk my head up, looking around the cafe nervously.

There is one old man sitting at the counter and two women I recognize from the library, eating in a booth together.

No one is looking at me, no one is paying any attention to me at all. I lean forward slightly to look out the window. Scanning the street outside nothing looks out of the ordinary.

My eyes land on a tall man leaning up against the small post office across the street. I've never seen him before. He has sunglasses on but I think he's looking at me.

I knew something was wrong. I knew there had to be a reason I feel like I'm being watched. Do I know him? Is he someone from my past?

Just as I start to panic a bus pulls up in front of the post office. He boards and it drives on. How embarrassing.

After freaking out over nothing I decide to cut down on caffeine for the rest of the day. Obviously, it's making me jittery.

The rest of the day passes uneventfully. I know that I'm being paranoid but the feeling never goes away. I feel physically drained as I walk home. Being anxious uses a lot of energy. My shoulder aches from carrying so much tension all day.

Before I go to dinner at Flo's I decide to go home and shower. I'll feel better if I'm clean. It might help to perk me up a bit, as well.

I practically sprint home. While the dark doesn't usually scare me, I'm feeling afraid of everything today. I keep seeing things move in my peripheral vision, then when I look, there's nothing there.

After my nice long shower, I do feel more awake and the pain in my shoulder is less.

I grab some thick, fleece leggings and a huge chunky sweater. Last time I went to dinner with Flo she was wearing fuzzy pajama pants with frogs on them. "We aren't dressing to impress," she told me.

I pull my long dark hair into a loose braid. I can undo the braid in the morning and it will look nice for work when I pull the braid out.

As I twist the strands between my hands I wonder when I learned to do this. I just knew how to do it one day. I was standing in front of my mirror, deciding what to do with my hair for the day, and like muscle memory, my hands just did it. I can't remember learning it, or who taught me, my body just remembers.

There are many things like that. Little random things I can do just because my body somehow remembers it.

On my first day back in the library I remember how surprised I was to find that I can type with incredible speed and accuracy.