The Landlord

Chapter 59

Chapter 59

Last night was wonderful. Blake was wonderful. I fell asleep feeling wonderful. But the next morning, that bliss was replaced with a resurgence of anxiety.

Part of that anxiety was because we didn't really discuss what happened and where to go from here. Then again, he didn't seem too concerned about that before we fell asleep. Still, I didn't see how sex – even mind-blowing sex – could magically make everything alright. And then there was the sex itself; I had to wonder if it was a huge mistake.

When I woke up around 9:00 to the cloudy fall morning, Blake wasn't next to me. Then I remembered he had to work today. Ugh, he must have left a few hours ago. That honestly wasn't the best feeling: waking up with the guy you fucked last night just gone. But before I felt like a cheap hooker (ironically there was a couple dollars on the dresser among his clutter), I realized he left me a note after I headed downstairs in one of his shirts.

I'm sorry that I'll be gone by the time you're awake, pretty lady. I didn't want to bother or wake you. Please feel free to make yourself at home. I get out at 5:00 and would love to see you and talk to you if you're free. - Blake

Even though we both fell asleep happy and content... his note didn't ease much of my awakened anxiety. I just wanted to talk to him and be on the same page. Perhaps I was over-analyzing it, but his note didn't reference last night; was that a sign he regretted it? Actually, he sounded more than calm in his note. Too calm. Was he not freaking out like me? What were his thoughts? Thanks to his stupid work, I had to wait until 5:00 today to figure that out!

But when I got dressed, headed home, and lit a cigarette... my mind did not slow down. I had hoped showering would help (yesterday's deer hunt and sex demanded one), but all that did was allow my anxiety to grow.

Was last night a mistake? I did fuck up. I was the first one to kiss him, but it's not exactly like I forced him into anything. His actions last night convinced me to keep going. Even his words before we fell asleep were reassuring. But did that mean it wasn't a mistake? Jesus, I didn't know what to think. I was dying to talk to him. I had to hope he wasn't casually assuming we were back together; that would be kind of shitty. Did he understand the gravity of it? Or hell, for all I knew, he lost all respect for me. Wow, was I already on my third cigarette?

Fuck 5:00 o'clock. After contemplating it, I decided I just couldn't sit here and not know where things stood between us. Talking to him would make me feel so much better. So, I put out my cigarette. I threw on a little make-up, jeans, a cute maroon cardigan for the windy fall weather, and I headed out the door.

Despite my desire to talk to him though, when I arrived at the marina, I couldn't bring myself to get out of my parked car. I just stared across the wide gravel lot to the marina store. There weren't many vehicles here, so hopefully he wasn't busy. Hopefully he wouldn't mind that I just showed up. I was just too uneasy to wait. But was showing up here like this too impulsive?

I sat there for a long moment. The wind brought in from the rough bay whistled against my windows as I closed my eyes. Fuck, what was I doing? Maybe I should just go home. Letting my anxiety do this was not good, and coming here made me look crazy. I needed to suck it up and go home.

However... the second I was about to start my car and leave, my phone rang. When I saw Blake's name on the screen, my heart tumbled. When I answered though, it was clear I wasn't the only one in an uneasy state.

"Ruth, are you busy right now?"

"Um, no. Not really." Just sitting in your parking lot like a loser.

"Look, I'm so sorry for just leaving a note and going to work like that. It was a shitty thing to do and I can't handle waiting until after my shift to talk to you."