𝑺𝒎𝒐𝒌𝒆 | 𝑮𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒍 𝑲𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒈𝒂𝒏 𝒙 𝑶𝑪

Forty-Two

Jolana made her way upstairs and was startled to find it wasn't empty. 

The small Suli girl she had gotten to know a little bit was already there and was hunched over, caressing her blades. Running her finger along the textured hilt and sharp blade.

"Hello," Jolana said awkwardly, as she closed the door behind her. 

"Hello," Inej replied simply

Jolana didn't know what else to say so she repeated, "Hello," as she made her way across the room. She was hyper-aware of all of her limbs, the alcohol that coursed through her veins didn't help.

"Hello," Inej said again without looking up. Jolana may have been a little tipsy but she could see the tension in Inej's face, her jaw clenched so tight that if she clenched any tighter she would crack a tooth, and the lines across her forehead perpetuating the small scowl that lingered on her face.

"Are you okay?" Jolana questioned carefully, she didn't know her well enough to really get in her business, and one thing she did know about Inej that if Jolana tried too hard, she might end up getting stabbed with one of the knives that Inej held so gently.

"Of course, I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be?" Inej said in a sardonic tone. 

"Do you.... want to talk about it?" After Jolana said it she immediately regretted it. 

"Well, there's nothing to talk about. There's no such thing as glove-wearing pretty boy criminals who frustrate me until days end,"

"But say there were, and you just had an argument about..." Jolana tried to get around Inej's wall

"Nothing,"

"Okay then," Jolana gave up a little, "Why does he wear the gloves anyways?"

"Who? I thought I just said that those glove-wearing criminals don't exist,"

"But in a world where they do...?"

Inej wouldn't answer

"Okay let me try and make you feel a little better. In this hypothetical world with your glove-wearing bad boy," Inej smirked a little, "I have my own woes, it is awfully tiring,"

"What woes do you have in this extremely fake, not at all real world?"

"Well I have this one really good friend, she's a really good friend overall and she's... a ray of sunshine. We have been really close ever since I became Grisha. I also have this... boss? Or an instructor? I don't know how to describe him, but he is certainly much higher status than I am. I had sort of a weird relationship with him, it all came to a head at this one party and we kissed. Or made out. But it's messier than it sounds, including him having an affinity to knives much like you. After that, everything got messy. Something changed and he distanced himself, and the kicker is that he decided he should move onto my friend. Who also has higher status. They could be great together, but I feel like she isn't safe. Like there's something in my gut telling me that, and there was something between me and him was different, it felt magnetic,"

"Isn't that what every couple who thinks they're in love says?" 

"I'm not in love with him, Inej,"

"Tell your story, I'll say what I have to say after,"

"There's not much else to say, something happened the last time I saw him, I don't think it was supposed to happen. I feel awful. There was this other man who I was seeing at the time, I fear something might have happened to him because of me. Worst of all, I feel like I've betrayed my friend because I think she really cares for him, but I really-" Her monologue came to a halt

"You loved him. That's the way the sentence was going to end,"

"I can't. Loving him is a path to a life of suffering and pain,"

"You can't help who you care for, you love your friend because you want to protect her, but you clearly lo-"

"No,"

"Believe me Jolana, I understand how inconvenient and painful it can feel,"

"I just feel so lost,"

"Then you need Sankt Anthony, he is the saint you need,"

"What does he do?" Jolana asked

"He finds the lost," Inej said

Out of habit, Jolana looked down at the ring instinctively. When she looked up, the wraith was gone.

-

Jolana had been thankful for the dreamless sleep she had stolen during the day but when she rested her head and closed her eyes, she was quickly whisked away to live out the same marketplace dream. It was short that night, keeping to just the ending before she found herself in the same woods she had been in that odd night. 

This time the trees had heavier coverings of snow. She could feel the cold, rough ground as she made her way to the largest tent. 

She made her way over to the man she was so fond of. She still felt bitter but in her dreams, she could forget for a second all the baggage they carried. 

He was tense leaning over a small desk, obsessing over a map. His shoulders tensed, she instinctively touched it trying to ease the tension. He looked at her and closed his eyes. He whispered to himself,

"You're just a ghost,"

"...and you're a shadow," she responded as she leaned into him. She still got that same feeling that she did the first time she touched him. Jolana assumed part of it had to do with his amplifying abilities but she knew part of it was just him. 

"Stop," he said not opening his eyes

"Why?"

"You're not real,"

"Don't I feel real?" she said running her hand down his arm and grabbing his hand

"You're just the result of my obviously continually fracturing mental state,"

"It's okay, I know this isn't real. No matter how it feels all this is just a dream,"

"Well you're in the dream of a madman," he said in the same low voice, "I still don't understand why this feels so real,"

"We both know this is a dream so why does it matter?" With that he opened his eyes and took a good look at her

"My brain is apparently very good at making an accurate version of you," he chuckled slightly, "The thing is you don't look exactly how I remember you, I wonder why,"

"I hate to be repetitive, but does it matter?" she said. They were face to face. She did something she had never done before, she kissed him. They kissed before but this one was different. It wasn't full of pent-up emotion, this one was soft. A simple reassuring caress. Her rising to her tiptoes to reach but it was soft in all the ways she craved. 

He pulled back, "I'm going to be sad when I wake up,"

"I'd tell you that we don't need to wake up but we both know that's true," and by coincidence, she was woken up suddenly.

"We need to head out now," Kaz commanded

"Why?" Jolana asked, rubbing her eyes, still sleepy and tranquil from her dream

"Jesper might have pissed off the owner of the bar, and he kicked us out," Inej glared at Jesper as she spoke

"Not my fault!"

"Yes, it is your fault!" Inej snapped

"We need to leave now anyway if we're going to catch up to the summoner," Kaz interjected before leaving the room, taking Jesper and Inej with him to ready the horses. Jolana made herself presentable and went out.

She was reminded of why she was out here in the first place. To help criminals find the Sun Summoner for one reason or another. The most important part of that was that she was here to find Alina. She was here to find her friend.