Cognitive Deviance

64. Wall of Thoughts

June 14, 2045 - 11:00 AM

"Welcome back, Margo," Kusanagi smiled. "Slept in late today?"

Margo sat down before his desk, same SafeSpace as last time. Same blue lights engulfing the room like water in a fish tank. Veins splintered across the whites of her eyes, and dark circles hung below like shadows. Looking up at her therapist and managing a small smile, she saw a tinge of concern sneak into his otherwise welcoming expression, the teeth in his grin gritting a little tighter upon observing the sleep she lacked.

"Yes, sir," she said, voice cracking. "I used to get up at five in the morning for work. Used to have this whole routine."

"Is that so?" Kusanagi said. "What made up your routine? If you don't mind me asking."

"Waking up, exercising, practicing some self-defense moves, showering, and then heading off to work."

"What kind of self-defense moves?"

Margo shrugged. "I don't even remember. Something with a lot of grappling? It's been too long since I've been able to practice them."

"That's a shame. Exercise is a great way to get your mind off negative thoughts. And it helps build self-confidence."

"Jeez," Margo forced herself to chuckle. "I was a psychology major, and even I have a hard time believing that one."

"Well, didn't you feel more confident back when you were exercising regularly?"

"Yeah, but I was also an idiot back then who thought working at Psychwatch would be fun and schizophrenia would be the one thing I'd never have."

Kusanagi's grin disappeared as he sat up in his seat. "Remember what I said during our last session, Margo. It's important to rationalize your thoughts. You were not an idiot back then. You just underestimated something. And as for the schizophrenia, remember that it's not a curse. It's something that can be controlled and coped with."

"Right. Sorry."

"It's no problem." Kusanagi retrieved two blank canvases from beneath his desk, laying them flat on the table before his patient. "Remember these?"

"Psych Expressors," Margo said. "For visualizing my hallucinations, right?"

"That's correct. And once you've jotted all of them down, we can discuss your most notable encounters with them, as well as potential triggers. That can be one of your first goals."

"Alright," Margo said with a nod.

"Do you know how to connect your ThoughtControl piece to the canvas?"

"Yeah, give me one second."

Margo held two fingers around her piece as it hung in her ear canal. Following two beeps, the word CONNECTING... stretched across one canvas in black, fading to PIECE CONNECTED with an additional beep.

"Good!" Kusanagi chirped. "So, if I recall, you claim that one of your hallucinations was an individual you believed to be your sister?"

Margo nodded, clenching her fists as embarrassment filled her from head to toe.

"It's alright," Kusanagi said. "You know the truth now and you're working on making sure you won't be deceived like that anymore. That's why you'll use the Psych Expressor to generate an image of what she looks like."

"What would be the point?" Margo asked. "It's not like you'd be able to see her, anyway."

Kusanagi shrugged. "True. However, like all therapy, this helps you more than it's supposed to help me. For example, the primary reason we promote Cognitive Crafts amongst individuals with schizophrenia is so they can feel the relief of having something otherwise indescribable in words appear perfectly on paper. That, and it'll help reinforce that this thing you see is no more alive than the image conjured onto that canvas."