In today's society, control is what makes you powerful. Everything revolves around that. At 3 you learn how to control your own body. Go to the bathroom, don't pee on yourself. Wait until everyone is settled around the table before you start eating, even if your hunger makes you dizzy. At 7 you learn how to control your mind. Focus on your homework even if it's so boring you rather lay in bed and do nothing than read a few pages of the book your teacher gave you. Don't think this, it's not politically correct. Think that. It's better. You will belong if you think that. At 13 you learn how to control your words to affect others a certain way. If you want them to be sad or scared, you will say things that will hurt them. If you want them to be happy and make them like you, you will compliment them. At 17 you learn how to control others. And that's when it begins. The control game. Make the other loose their control so that you can gain even more of it. Being in a patriarchal society, men constantly try to control women to be and feel more powerful. Control what they wear to control their self confidence and so their life choices. Control their body so they can control the futur. Want more citizens ? Forbid abortion. Want less citizens ? Impose a number of children per family. Throughout history, men have controlled women so they wouldn't have to control themselves. Which is why they are shaking now that feminism is growing. They ain't afraid that women will control them oh boy no. They are afraid because they will have no one to control since they can't even control their own pulsions. Not because it's not possible tho, only because no one taught them how to.
From 20 and until your dying day, you learn how to control your life. Plan so that you can control what will happen. What you will feel. If something unexpected happens, the most admirable people are the ones that manage to take back their control as fast as possible.
Control is power. Loose it, and you will be life's easiest prey.
I walked inside the lunch room as my fingers were twirling her ring around my finger. Right hand, middle finger. It's the only thing I have left from her. The only thing I have left in general. I am wearing a black shirt that shows every single one of my curves and Grey sweatpants that fall over my hips. Even those aren't mine. The institute gave us a certain amount of clothes we are allowed to wear. I sit down at the table I sit at every single day. My eyes lay over the pancakes in front of me. Pancakes are rare here but I am not hungry this morning. My head lightly meet with the wall behind me as I close my eyes. The other patient's chat create a silent chaos that give me chills. Saliva flows down my throat as my tongue caress my lower lip. Soon enough I was gone, locked inside my mind. The noise coming out of people's mouth turned into a peaceful wind. The plates hitting tables and glasses became an orchestra that perfectly fits the piano playing inside my head. Each of my finger pressed the table one after the other following the rythme of this melody I was creating. My shoulders slowly relaxed along with the muscles of my neck. My breath is steady. If I focus hard enough I can lightly feel my blood rushing through the veins of my wrist.
It's the way you hit your fist against my table that brought me back to reality. The dark curtain covering my eyes disappeared as I raised an eyebrow. I watched you sit in front of me with a tiny smile. You are all proud of yourself. Asshole. I straightened up from the wall. The pill I took this morning starts working on my body.
« Didn't sleep well on the roof ? » you take a bite of your pancake.
« I didn't sleep there. You seem to be in a good mood »
« That's because I finally have the answers to my questions »
« Do You now? » I smiled and laid back against the wall crossing my arms. No you don't.
« Regina. 12th grade. You got autism or something like that. My mother gave you a candy that's why you got obsessed with her »
A chuckle escape my lips « you really know nothing about autism otherwise you wouldn't have dare to say what you just said. And that girl in 12th grade was called Freya. Not even close to my name »
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RomanceMy breath got heavy as I felt him only an inch away from me. I could feel my own blood rushing through my veins as I laid my eyes on his pure green ones. « I want to kiss you » Ollie told me as his fingers tangled in my hair. His scents surrounded m...
