I'll learn to dance in the rain [korrasami]

8

Asami

I remember when my mom was in a room similar to this one. It was mostly covered in green and the flowers were all alive. Even on her worst days where she'd struggle, the effort was always there and she'd always remember to water her plants. Even when I insisted to help, she shrugged me off. "I can still do it." She told me. "And if I can still do it that means I'm not getting worse right?" The smile she always used to flash me after that would send me spiralling. My eyes would be sore, sore enough to let the tears roll down my cheeks and drip from my chin.

I was only young and when I first saw all of the tubes and wires connected to her I didn't understand. I didn't understand the intensity of her illness until her very last minutes where she was taken away from me.

I pull the comforter higher up Korra's body and repeat her name in my head. Korra. The wind and rain are both loud when they work together and I shut the window to block out the thunder and lightning. Korra. It'll be some time until I get used to that. When I look at her asleep, my emotions spiral out of control. I'm angry but I didn't tell her that.

I'm angry that's she's not trying and not doing her sessions. My mom would do them, if it meant extending her stay on this world then she wouldn't bat another eyelash. She's do them twice over if she wanted. My eyes land on the flowers again, just in time to see a petal fall onto the floor. They look awful, dehydrated. She should at least try. But I can't be mad at her like that. I should know better, after all it's not me with the illness.

My mind refreshes and I search through the memories of mini me. The realisation that my mom wasn't always so energetic hit me harder than I thought it would. My mom was stuck between the two stages of denial and anger for so long I was too young to realise. A nurse held her hand through each stage, even pushed her through some until my mom finally settled on acceptance where she left while smiling.

That's my job now and Korra is stuck in the same position as my mom. Her head can't wrap itself around reality and she's angry. Furious at the world. I would be too and I realise that I'm no longer angry at Korra, but angry at the world for cursing her for no reason. I'm sorry that it's treated her that way.

I was drunk off my loneliness when I moved here. Then I touched hands with a stranger at a cafe and I can't seem to get her out my head.

Ginger was right, I have been happier these past few days. Yesterday was probably the happiest I've ever been and I am the happiest when I'm with her. I wanted to kiss her on the sidewalk that day, no matter how crazy that sounds. I've known her for a matter of days but it already feels like a lifetime. She knows a big part of my story and now I know only a small part of hers. She is a piece of art in a gallery and I'm an analysts. I'm looking far to deep into her paint and I think I might cry.

This illness doesn't defy who she is in my eyes, she is still my colour. Just by looking at her I want to tangle my hands into her long hair and tell her it's going to be alright. Because it is and I'm going to make sure of it.

If there's one thing I've learnt over my twenty-five and a half years of living: don't take life for granted. I look at something as small as the pattern of clouds each day like it's the most beautiful thing. Living a perfect life is impossible, things can get awfully messy and painful. Things hurt, in my chest, in my throat, my skin. It burns. And I'm burning all over when I look at her.

Life is so short and everyone is cursed with the inevitability that all is temporary. But I should stay present. It's all she has. She hasn't left yet so lets make the most of it.

<->

"You alright there Asami? I heard what happened..." Opal sits opposite me after placing a cup of coffee on the table in front.