Miss Communication

Miss Communication Part 5 - Not going away

Matt

I have never regretted the decision to give up spanking for Riley. My wife is cool and lovely and I love her so much. I never doubted my love for her and I have always been content in my marriage. Riley filled my days with laughter and love and I loved it.

I never even thought about it until that fight we had about six weeks ago. The look of sheer pain in her eyes is not something I will ever forget. I would not ever want to hurt my wife like this ever again. At this point the best I can do is to let everything go and forget the spanking. Put it back in the drawer I once closed so neatly. There is no doubt in my mind that this is the only option. The only way for me not to hurt myself or Riley.

The problem was that it was proving impossible though. That fight with Riley woke up that need to spank, to help someone in the way I used to help. The need to have that sort of relationship in my life. It changed the entire way I was thinking. The need to help someone through discipline was again becoming part of who I wanted to be. I have been so obsessed with it that there were even conversations with Riley where I seriously thought she was bratting a bit so I would spank her. I even dreamt one time that she asked me to spank her. I knew none of those were real, but the need was just that strong.

Riley wasn't doing better at work. She kept communication honest and I have been as supportive as I possibly could. I keep trying to help her understand that she won't fix the issue until she starts managing her new popularity differently. She needed to learn how to say no to people at work and she wasn't learning it. She was going to lose her job.

It wouldn't be horrible if she did. I am ok with supporting us for a while and Riley was an amazing young engineer. She would find a job in no time. It was just that she loved her job, and she was a rock star there. Also some of her friendships were starting to seem stronger. We took one of her new friends to dinner one day. We met another couple in another and there was a really nice chemistry. I wouldn't want her to lose any of this. The only way to stop it though is to set her with some rules and guidelines and help her though. Which is of course impossible.

I finally had to admit this need was not going to go away. It was getting strong and it was taking over my other thoughts. It was making me lose my focus at work. I made a new Fetlife account. It wasn't that my original profile wasn't still there. It was just that I wasn't that person in that profile anymore. It was also a chance not to get recognized by any of the local community. I wanted to fly under the radar. At least for a while.

I found a local group and posted a message. I didn't lie. I said that I am coming back after a long time away. I have given up spanking, but lately I am thinking about it a lot. I said that I am not in any hurry to jump back to the water. Mainly I wanted someone to talk to. Someone who at this point is not looking for anything, but someone who would like to talk about discipline and share ideas and experiences.

I wasn't sure if I would get an answer, and I was surprised and pleased when I did. Her name was Annie and she was a bit older than Riley. She had just moved to the area. She knew for a long time she wanted and needed to be spanked. She had a few online disciplinarians but none of them worked. She was feeling like she needed a real one. She explained she had trouble budgeting and many times it's hard for her to handle money correctly.

A few years ago I may have been able to take her on, or point her towards someone who can help. After years away I had no idea. All I could do was talk to her about how to search for one and what she needed to look for. I agreed to support her as she searched around and tried to help make sure she would find the right person. She is a lovely young lady and the more time I spent with her the more I wanted to help her. I am actually finding myself staying way past anyone's bedtime on days I work from home just so I can help guide her to the best option. We have no candidates right now but there is time.