Miss Communication

Miss Communication Part 7 Riley Words that don't make sense

Riley – Words that don't make sense

"Are you ok?" Ella asked me during our weekly lunch date. "Riley, I am really not trying to stick my nose and if it's not my place tell me to shut up but there are rumors that you are off your game"

I felt a surge of momentary annoyance. This wasn't anyone's business. I really did not like being the target of rumors. The annoyance disappeared a moment later and I was left with the realization that those rumors were correct. I was off my game. I looked down. I needed to trust someone, and Ella was my first friend at work "This is gonna sounds so stupid" I admitted "Ells, There are people in my office all the time and I don't know how to tell them to go away. I know it sounds lame. Like all I have to say is just say listen dude you are in the middle of my work and my ten year career plan requests that you would leave my office and let me work. I just can't do it. I can't bring myself to say the words''

I was worried Ella would laugh, but she didn't. "Were you popular growing up?" she asked quietly

My childhood was complicated. The answer to it was not a funny or a cute childhood memory. I looked at her and took a deep breath. I had to trust someone. I just hoped she was the right person to trust. "I was super nerdy" I admitted, like the nerd kids you see on TV. I also had this rare condition that made my hair turn greyish/white overnight. As you can imagine I was bullied badly. I don't think there was a day I was left alone"

Ella put her hand on mine with an understanding smile "Kids can be really nice" she says "But many of them can be extremely cruel. Especially in packs. What you went through was the result of stupid kids who were just as scared as you were. I am sorry you had to go through it. If it helps I t think your white hair looks cool"

"I dye it to make it more white now" I admitted "My mom never let me do it as a child. She said I needed to focus on my goals and not how to be more pleasing to my bullies. She was right about the pleasing to my bullies part, but she left me feeling exposed. I dyed it brown when I turned eighteen. I kept it this way for a couple of years. I wanted it to look normal. It actually looked good, but every time I looked at the mirror I saw a stranger. So I decided to embrace the white, just make it whiter"

"It looks really cool now" Ella promised "It makes you stand out in a good way"

"Is this why I am popular?" I asked "People like my hair?"

"You look kind of badass and then you are really good at what you do" Ella said "This company is full of nerds who went through what you did. In here popularity is measured on a totally different scale"

It made sense. Almost everyone that worked for my company was an engineer. They were all good enough to go through engineering school. The kids who would bully us were on longer part of the same environment as we were. "I love it" I admitted quietly "I can't stop loving it. I am unable to ask people to leave my office and give me time to work"

Ella nodded understandingly "It makes sense, but Riles you have to find time to do your work. You are going to get fired"

A flatter of sheer panic went through me when she said that. Adam used to smile at me every time we talked. Lately he had been standoffish and very official. Mostly he just kept telling me I need to pull my act together and find my mojo. I closed my eyes trying to control tears "I tried everything I could think of" I admitted "Ella, I even spanked myself"

In the dead silence that surrounded us after my admission I realized what I just said. I quickly glanced at her. She just sat there. I thought she looked shocked and offended. I felt so guilty I buried my face in my hands. Ella was a work buddy not my new best friend. I should have kept my mouth shut. "Ella, I am sorry" I whispered tears in my eyes "Too much information. You didn't want to hear this" I felt horrible. I have made a lot of friends at work but Ella was special and our friendship was starting to develop outside of work too. I seemed to have ruined it.

Ella raised her hand "hold on" she said sounding almost amused "Riles it's ok" she promised "Are you a bottom?"

I was washed by relief when I realized I had no idea what she just said "A bottom?"

"Sub?" she offered "A little, a middle, a brat maybe?"

I frowned, confused. "Were the later words supposed to help the first one make sense?" I asked, "It didn't"

Ella tilted her head and looked at me curiously "Why did you spank yourself then? She asked

I took a deep breath. Still unsure if she is ok with me doing the spanking thing, I couldn't tell if she thought I was weird. "When this just started Matt and I were arguing and he told me I should be spanked. I kind of became obsessed with the idea"

"He is probably a top" she observed and then shook her head "Don't worry I will explain in a second. Riley why didn't you let him spank you if you are obsessed?"

It felt so sad even thinking about it "I didn't know I was obsessed and I made him feel horrible. Like I hardly talked to him for 3 days. I made him feel so guilty, and now I am too scared to tell him that I wish he would spank me"

Ella looked at me sadly "Riles" she said softly "I think he will be happy"

I shook my head "I can't" I said "I can't even say the words out loud. I tried to snap at him like I did the day he told me I needed a spanking. It didn't help. He is being amazing and supportive but not spankie at all.

Ella nodded "So you really don't know anything about the kink community?"

I shook my head "I mean I saw some videos about spanking, but nothing said anything about community. The ones I saw were just super sexual. They did teach me you can spank with a ping pong paddle though. I ended up getting one at WalMart"

Ella looked even more amused "You are fully out of the closet being asexual, but somehow fifty shades of grey didn't get you out of the closet about BDSM?"

The website I used for spanking was called BDSM spanking tube. I still didn't know what it meant though. "You just explained it yourself" I told her "fifty shades was a sexual movie. Why would I see it?"

Ella smiled. She looked calm and understanding which helped calm me down too. "The need to get spanked. Makes you part of a community" she said "It's a big umbrella that fits many different people and needs. But no matter what you are and how to experience it is mostly about power exchange. One side gives up power while the other one takes it. Zoe and I are part of it too. She is not just my girlfriend, she is my mistress. I am her slave"

That term I knew about since it was in many of my videos "She spanks you sexually?"

Ella looked like she was trying not to, but she ended up laughing anyway. I could tell she wasn't being mean about it. "Yeah, I guess, kinda" she admitted "but Riles, it's so much more complicated than that"

I looked at her confused and full of questions but she just shook her head "Listen" she said "I am gonna give you a few websites you can go to for information. You should go after work. Read about it a little and understand how it works. If when you do it rings like you belong there and this is what will solve your issues then meet Zoe and I for dinner at our place tomorrow.