tour sucks (lauren jauregui)

four - show

Lauren remembers the beginning of her and Camila's relationship. Lauren knows they were never officially girlfriends (though she did refer to Camila as such in her head... and had a plan to tell her how much she loves her... oh well), but she still finds worth in the entire situation.

She did fall in love for the first time. She remembers realizing it the first time, waking up in a hotel room bed with Camila holding her and thinking that this was how she wanted to wake up every day for the rest of her life. Granted, that was followed by a lot of resentment because girls and girls is not how this works and whatever, but before the scary thoughts came she'd never been more content with her life.

Even the insane work life that has pretty much made her a slave didn't matter in that moment. All that mattered was that she was in Camila's arms, loving her unconditionally and having a feeling in the pit of her stomach that Camila reciprocated.

(She'd never ask Camila about loving her back for that reason. She refuses to spoil her one good moment over the past three years.)

But now, here she is, single once again, uncommitted, stuck in this endless hell-hole of an industry where everything is spinning in a million different directions and she is barely grasping on by her fingertips.

It doesn't help that - who might be - the love of her life is in her everyday life, shielded by probably the scariest woman Lauren's ever encountered, and then... Dinah... who can be scary when she wants. However, since their talk, Dinah's been much more approachable and Lauren appreciates that.

It's a welcome relief when the hotel they're staying at has a punching bag shoved into the corner, just together enough where hopefully Lauren can get all of her frustrations out before the show tonight.

She doesn't even know what city they're in, she just knows that she has to sing and dance and not fall on her face.

Oh, and soundcheck and meeting fans and makeup and costumes and god show days are long.

At least she'll maybe sleep tonight.

Once she's done at the gym, she heads back up to her hotel room, which she's sharing with the scariest member of the group at the moment, Normani, who hasn't made any attempt to talk to Lauren and instead has been reduced to breathing. Which, Lauren truly doesn't have an opinion on and she doesn't think she's allowed to.

She gets back in the room and goes into the bathroom, stripping out of her clothes and cringing when she takes off her gloves. She busted one of her knuckles. Fuck.

Her makeup artist is gonna murder her.

She's really not sure what to do now, a knuckle isn't exactly easy to bandage - not that she has any bandaids handy in the first place - and ugh she's probably going to have to explain this in front of the girls.

She decides to woman up, she's going to have to take the pain and the most she can do right now is turn down the water temperature in the shower so it doesn't sting too badly.

(It's still a hellish experience.)

-

"Shit, Lauren," Dinah says, checking out her hand, "People are gonna think you got into a fight."

Dinah then looks up at Lauren and then at her hand again, "Oh please tell me you didn't get into a fight."

Lauren knows she has the attention of the other girls at the table, Normani and Camila are sat across from them, and Ally's at the head of the table.

"I didn't get in a fight, Dinah, Jesus Christ," Lauren retorts, shrinking away from the blonde and grabbing one of her chicken nuggets, "It'll heal in no time. Not a big deal."