When the Stars and Flowers Fall...

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BAM!!

I wake up from my daydream very suddenly, to see a group of boys loudly barging into the classrooms, bags banging into the desks carelessly. I see Kosuke Kasaoka standing closest to me, hands balled up in fists, looking at someone behind me. He must've been the one who bumped into my desk. I can see the tension in the tight ligaments that stand out on his sinewy arms. 

"Hey! Don't push me like that - it looks like I bumped into her on purpose!" He glances at me worriedly. I can hear his 'friends' sniggering behind me. 

"What do you want," I say, hoping he would leave. I look down at my desk, a crease forming rapidly between my eyebrows. He doesn't reply. Instead, I'm forced to look at him when he pulls out a crumpled sheet of paper from his trouser pocket, and thrusts it beneath my nose. 

"I was going to ask you about homework, but then those jerks starting pushing me..." I squint at the ragged piece of paper that's clutched in his hand. The only thing he's written is his name, scrawled on the right hand side of the paper like an autograph. Annoyance flickers in my chest. He's asking me about homework? Again?  "I know you're good at this sort of stuff, so... can you help me? I don't understand this question."

I don't understand either. I've never been able to understand him. Why he keeps trying to get involved with me, why he joined the same school as me, why he's never as cool as the other members of the school football team. He frustrates me. 

"I don't know," I say firmly, slowly standing up with my back to him. I had no intention of talking with this boy, and that is not about to change. He always seems to be near me, hovering around like a persistent fly, always in the corner of my eye, watching. He makes me nervous.

"Maybe if you paid more attention in class, you would actually understand the homework. Maybe if you really cared about doing work, you wouldn't even lose your textbook in the first place. Maybe you could do something yourself for once!" I yell.

He takes a step back, looking like he was just slapped in the face. I can barely remember what I said; it feels like something I usually say when people get too close. Reaction. The word appears in my head. The word involuntary gets dragged up too. I want to swat them away, swat him away, he who makes these words appear in my head.

The classroom has fallen quiet. Even the football jocks have shut up. I feel eyes digging into my back, so I slam my desk shut, sling my backpack over my shoulder and stride into the corridor. I can feel his eyes on me, making my face heat up with shame. I don't have time for this.

Once I'm outside, I sag against the wall with my eyes closed. Why did I always have to react like that? Is that why I never really had any friends? People never seemed to understand that I always seem to have a sea of simmering water, that can boil and bubble over at any second. Not that they even tried to understand.

I open my eyes and peek into the classroom tentatively. I see Kasaoka leaning onto my desk on his elbows, rubbing his face with his right hand, his left hand still clutching the homework. Everybody else has dispersed, and he's the only one still at a desk. A stab of guilt pierces my heart, and I'm about to look away again, when he lifts his head and looks straight at me. I freeze. Then he mouths, Sorry. He carries on looking at me, but I hang my head and walk away quickly.

Because it's not right. Because I should be the one saying sorry.

But I'm too much of a damn coward to admit it.

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sorry for the short chapter...
but I posted 2 on the same day? *excuses*
I know it's not the most fun chapter and i can't promise that the next one will be fun either... sorry~

blue x