When the Stars and Flowers Fall...

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After my outburst at Kasaoka the previous day, I'd braced myself for a new onslaught of being treated as a pariah in my class . I'd walked into class 20 minutes early, expecting people to do the usual: look up at me from their desks, realise it's me, and look back down at their work.

Today, though, it was different. One of the more popular girls in my class looks up and smiles. Startled, I stall at the doorway, then almost get run over by another group of excited girls who have just arrived. I shrink away to let them pass, but they pause next to me and one of them leans forward, eyes glittering, and says,

"That was amazing yesterday, I'm glad you stood up for yourself!" The other girls giggle. Flustered and confused, I stammer,

"R, really?" They nod, and one of them (I think her name was Kanami. Or maybe that's her friend. They all look the same with their fringes and mocking smiles.) places a small hand on my shoulder.

"Why don't you sit with us at lunch?" Too surprised to reply, I remain silent. She blushes and tucks her hair behind her ear sheepishly. "I, I was going to ask you earlier this year, but you always disappear before I can talk to you..." She doesn't meet my eyes. We both know it's a lie, an excuse to make up for all those averted eyes, the isolation which has surrounded me like a cloak the past term.

"Uh, thanks for your offer--" She looks up hopefully. But then a breeze floats through the window and it smells like the last embers of summer and immediately my mind is pulled back to Hiromi and the memory of us under the osmanthus tree. I look at this girl in front of me now, uttering these words like a peace offering, but I can't just leave Hiromi alone. Her eyelids flutter once, twice, quickly like wings. "--I, I'll think about it--" Her face falls just a fraction. "--I promise!" But she's already moving back to her friends with a bittersweet smile on her face.

"Let's go, Kasumi!" Her friends call, and I realise guiltily that I hadn't known her name, even though we'd been in the same class for 2 terms already.

~~~

"Are you going to make new friends?" Hiromi asked, looking at me intently. Is she jealous? Why would she ask me that, if not to reaffirm my loyalty to her, to our friendship? Hurriedly, I reply, "Of course not! Why would I, when I have you?"

~~~

I try to slip out of the classroom, but bump into someone painfully. Rubbing my head and muttering "Ow..." under my breath, I look up.

Of course.

Of course it has to be Kasaoka who I bump into. I expected him to be at least annoyed after what I said to him yesterday, but all he's got is a pensive look on his face. He studies my irritated face and glances quickly at Kasumi in the classroom, who's sitting quietly in her chair, subdued.

"Stop blocking the doorway," I say, curtly. Almost startled, he blinks and flattens himself sideways. Then, he bows deeply extends a lithe arm towards the classroom. I glare at him and push past into the corridor.

I walk up to Hiromi's classroom, looking for her face among the crowd that's steadily filling up the room. I see a large group of girls huddled together at the back, but I can't see her in there, so I slowly return to my class before I'm late.

For the rest of the day, I don't see Hiromi, even though I find my eyes constantly darting through throngs of students or my ears picking up any words with some sort of element that sounded like Hiromi's lyrical voice. But it's never her. Sometimes I'll see the swish of a skirt and suddenly think of the way we'd danced under the osmanthus tree, but it'll just be another girl.

By 3:35pm, I'm waiting patiently at the school gates, scanning the steady stream of students to find Hiromi's familiar head. Every time I think it's her, it turns out that it was just another person with that flash of a smile. I'm so intent on looking for her that I jump when I hear my name being called.