When the Stars and Flowers Fall...

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After school...

As soon as the lesson finishes, I exit the classroom and sit down on the steps and pull on my shoes. All I could think about during the lesson was Kasaoka. Has he talked to anyone yet? He hasn't got a shred of subtlety - who knows what he'll say. No, that's not even the problem: why was he casually watching a scene like that in the first place! I feel like he's invaded my privacy, my private life. I feel like every secret, every mistake, every inch of me has been exposed. 

The white-hot sun is directly in front of me; I can almost feel the moisture being dried from my face, as I tilt it up to the chalk-coloured sky. Even the sky looks dry, with its colour all bleached away. I take a step outside of the building, and my rubber-soled trainers kick up sand that swirls around my feet like mist. 

Far away, some barren trees stick up like paintbrushes in a pot. I take a step further, and the gravel crunches beneath my feet. The heat seems to melt my soul out of every pore. 

I stay standing outside the school, eyes darting across the playground. I need to find Kasaoka. I need to see what he knows about me, what he's seen. A part of me knows that I'm just taking my anger out on him, but I can't help this burning hatred inside of me. I can't help this feeling that he's managed to grab my weakness. What does he know about me? How can he ruin me?

On the football pitch, there are boys running, sunlight flashing between their legs. Even from the steps of the school, I can hear the distant shouts of the football team. But after scanning through each of their backlit faces, I flick my eyes to the little figure curled up on ground a few metres away from them. There's something determined about the way they're hunched over, but I don't see what they're doing until they turn around and I realise 2 things:

1. They're polishing a football with meticulous care, and

2. It's Kasaoka.

I watch, mesmerised, for a while, a few seconds, minutes, watching as his slightly grubby hands cradle the football and clean it with gentle circles of the cloth. 

~~~

"The seams of a football are weak: that's where they start to fall apart. That's why you have to clean the sand off every time." Kasaoka stands with his hands on his hips, football tucked under his armpit, and a wide grin. "Remember, you can't just leave it and only use it when you want to; you need to take care of it all the time - that's how you make it last." 

~~~

I remember him telling me that, once. As I watch the way he's so engrossed in his care, my purpose in coming here starts to feel very small and pathetic. The anger and hatred seems to have dissipated in the thick humid air. Shame starts to seep in. When I notice that, I start walking towards the water fountain, and remind myself that I'm parched.

With one hand, I grip the edge of the metal, and desperately turn the tap. Water gushes out, all clear and sparkling, and I splash it onto my face. The cold is biting but refreshingly so, and I can feel the edges of my face returning as though they had been melted by the sun. Every burst of water against my face feels like a slap, but I think I deserve it. The sound of roaring water and my own ragged breath fills up my ears, but I can still hear the sound of shoes on sand behind me.

"Hey."

I become still, hands over my eyes and water still running. I squeeze the tap shut, and wait for a moment, water dripping from my closed eyelids as I lean over the sink. I open my eyes, and see my warped reflection through the churning water that disappears down the drain. My face wavers, trembling like a tear about to spill. 

I take the opportunity to take out my handkerchief and wipe my face. I know I'm hiding from him but I'm not brave enough to meet the eyes of Kasaoka, who is standing silently with sweat rolling down his tanned face and his hands holding his precious football. I want to look away, but I don't because I know he's been watching and waiting the whole time. I hold the damp cloth to my face, but look him in the eyes. 

He spins the ball on the palm of his hand, and, in his familiar voice, he says,

"You know... I was thinking." My heart thumps. He's going to say it. He's going to talk about what he saw. He takes a step closer to me, and I clutch the towel against my face. He says,

"...What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?" 

...What. I had been steeling myself for taunts and teasing, for questions about what happened with Nat. Not... fish. Is this some cruel set up? What do I even say in reply--

"It's...it's a joke," Kasaoka says, shifting his weight from one foot to another, still holding his football in his hand. "So... What did the fish say?" A joke. A joke. People don't joke with me, not usually.

I open my mouth; I close it. I don't know. I look at him, eyebrows furrowed, and shake my head slightly. Kasaoka grins, white teeth flashing in the sun, once, but soon replaces his grin with a serious expression. He moves his face closer to mine, looking me in the eye, and whispers,

"Dam."

He's close enough to me that I can feel the heat of his breath on my cheek. I look at the golden arch of his neck and realise that he's stooping down to meet me in the eye - Kasaoka, who has always been shorter than me, should have been shorter than me, is now much taller than me. 

His eyes flit around my face, bright as fireflies. He's watching me. Watching my reaction. 

I still don't understand him. Kasaoka, I mean. But I look at the smirk appearing on his face, and let out a short laugh of surprise. I look down at our feet on the ground between us, scuffed with dust. 

"Dam. Dam." I keep repeating the punchline under my breath, shaking my head because it's silly, and stupid, and-- The joke's mediocre at best. It's not even funny, I tell myself, but before I know it, I'm laughing. The laughs fall from my lips, slick as raindrops. I try to stop the wracking of my body and the sounds escaping my mouth, but soon I'm bending at the waist and desperately trying to stifle my laughter with my handkerchief. 

I look up again at Kasaoka, the sun lighting his mussed hair on fire like a halo. I see the moment his face melts into a broad smile. When did this happen? How did this happen?  Tears wet my cheeks and it's from laughing too hard. I think.

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waaaa i love this scene too much (if i may say so myself hehe)

i think i enjoyed describing kasaoka too much as well - what can i say, he's a beautiful specimen

this bit is the most accurate scene i think (compared to the original story) but i had to think of a new joke cos the original joke in japanese doesn't really translate into english. honestly, the hardest part was finding a joke that was just dumb enough and funny enough (i hope) 

i remember reading this scene in the original and smiling so hard my cheeks hurt

i hope yours did too :)

dd x