When the Stars and Flowers Fall...

🌻

That night, I couldn't sleep. I had lain in my bed until 2 am, thoughts tumbling through my head like clothes in a washing machine. Sometimes I could grab a question and it would ask who, what, where, how, when, why, and I'd turn over in my bed to listen to my nightmares instead. I woke up with sweat kissing my brow, and a thudding sense of anticipation, fear, excitement, dread for the day ahead.

This morning, I couldn't rest. I'd kicked off my duvets, and dragged out my clothes. Wearing them and looking at myself in the mirror, I looked the same. I looked different. I rolled up my sleeves, and burst out the door with a slice of toast clutched in my hand - I'm never late, but today, there was somewhere I needed to go before school. 

My feet slow outside the park again, the spots of white blooms less frequent through the thick leaves of the osmanthus. Instead, they swim in the puddles that had likely formed last night, and I breathe their crisp citrusy smell. 

I walk over to the trunk of the tree, drawing out a small knife from my skirt pocket. It flashes in the puddle beneath my feet. I wander around the tree, eyes searching through the aged bark and flowering lichen. And then I see it, nestled behind a sprouting shoot. The letters "S + H" carved haphazardly in the wood, letters dancing with giddy handwriting. S + H. Sumire + Hiromi. I breathe in, out, steadying my hand and focusing my mind on the operation I'm about to perform. The sharp tip of the blade touches the edge of the "S" and I nearly drop my hand away, but I don't. Pressing firmly, lovingly, I draw the knife through the letters. 

I spend the next 15 minutes carefully carving away the bark where the letters had been, leaving a rectangle of young white wood. It feels soft and moist, almost like human flesh, and I feel bad for hacking away at its bark. But it had been necessary. Something in my heart has loosened, like a knot finally coming free. I fold up the blade and pop it back into my pocket. My heart beats anew, and I can feel the scars fading away. 

~~~

When I get to school, my eyes are focused on my book. Really. They're not looking for Hiromi, because I know where she is, in the other classroom. I'm reading, and it's fine, because I'm enjoying the book. I look up at the sound of the door, and see Kasumi and her friends walk in. She looks at me, and pauses her words, unsure. I stumble my way into a smile. She blinks, and carries on walking to her desk, but when she turns back to her friends, I see a subtle flush colour her cheeks. 

I return to my book, but my mind is fizzing, sweet and bright as lemonade, and I almost don't notice the next group who enter the classroom. Although, once I see them, I wonder how I could have missed them. Large sports bags bashing into desks as normal. Mouths wide open as shouts erupt across the group - as normal. The flash of teeth in taunting grins. As normal. The football team is back as ever. 

Where I would have sighed and drawn my eyes back to my book again, I stay searching. As they filter down the aisle, I check each of their faces. I almost, almost, give up, when I see him right at the back. He's smiling to himself, walking sideways to stop his bag hitting another kid at his desk, when our eyes meet and he stops. And suddenly the nervousness is back. Questions streak through my mind - does he remember what happened yesterday? Does he know?

His face is blank while he scans my face. Then, microscopically, the corners of his mouth tick up. I frown and duck my head behind my book. Even without looking, I'm aware of him walking over to his seat in the classroom and sitting down, 3 seats across and 3 seats forward. My eyes run along the same sentence over and over again. I'm thinking about the book. I'm thinking about the book, I tell myself. I'm not thinking about Hiromi. And I like that. 

 

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hiii

this is the first scene that's only from my imagination so yeah

i hope you liked it, i know it's short but there are more on the way, i promise !

please vote and comment <3

blue xox