Guilt TO Love

Fault

  Patient: "Doctor, Doctor will I be able to play the violin after the operation?"

 Doctor: "Yes, of course."

 Patient: "Great! I never could before!"

                                                                          Or

Patient: "Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake."

Doctor: "Next time, take off the candles."

                                                                          Or

God is the first doctor and the doctor is the second god

                                                                           Or

The doctor is the visible god on the earth.

 "Doctors."

You maybe have heard or read thousands of rib-tickling doctors' jokes and other thousand sets of quotes positioning doctors as a god in your life but people somewhere forget doctor are just a normal human too.

A lot of us are shit-scared of them. But then realization dawns upon us, and we become conscious of the fact that we'll actually be less dead if we go to a doctor. Ah! God bless their soul!

But no matter what doctors do, for some reason, they always manage to get a bad reputation for themselves. But let's be honest, these guys are lifesavers. They always have this calm and composed look on their face and considering the sea of emotions, they go through all day - being in a hospital, taking care of people, dealing with the most morbid of life's events and whatnot - it's quite commendable. Dr. Tan was no different as a doctor. He has seen many different medical cases throughout his career and treated them with all his experience and gave his best without caring about the outcome, what worst can come than death and death didn't scare him anymore he has seen many throughout his career what scared him was him lacking in any way in delivering his best care to the patient.

But Plan's case came as entirely different than any other patient he has ever seen. Something was scratching him in his guts. He was lacking the professionalism he has learned throughout his career and it never happened before. What was so different with Plan, he couldn't understand? He couldn't help but always feel he was not giving his hundred percent in his case but somewhere he knew it was the biggest lie as he was already offering his two hundred percent. Maybe it was the guilt he was feeling thinking about the first and last short meeting he had with Plan in the shadowy bar. He knew something was undoubtedly wrong with the furious boy that day. He had seen the hand imprint on the boy's face but he didn't do anything about it. Maybe that tremendous guilt was consuming him alive, thinking that maybe if he would have tried to help or talk it out with the boy things would have been hinged in a different way for the boy. But somewhere he knew he was just building up the scenarios that could or couldn't be different even if he had talked with the boy or tried to help.

He also couldn't stop thinking about what could have been the other reason for him acting out of his professional attitude toward his patient and couldn't stop comparing it with his previous emotional situation in his life. The most unfortunate and depressing moment of his life was when he found out his nine-year-old son had a brain tumor that is also a rare type of it. He couldn't stop crying and thinking about how he has saved hundreds of lives then question god's existence and how can something like this god can do to his son. He didn't know when and how but he began to imagine Plan in his son's situation hanging between a life and death situation and Plan's father, Uncle Ben as himself. A broken vulnerable father who could do anything to save his son but still has nothing in his hand. The heartbreaking memory was still fresh in his mind even after so many years. Being the best neurosurgeon in the country and as a previous encounter with the same type of rare condition as his son and a successful surgery he decided to lead the surgery of his own son. Everyone said it won't remain objective and any mistakes can happen when his emotions will cloud his judgment but still he knew his son needed him and he has to do it. It was the most challenging day of his life. His mind was blank and for the first time, his hands were shaking before any surgery, hell !! how could it not, this time it was not some other unknown patient, it was his son on the operation table, his only son, the proof of his love for his wife, his son who was the part of his. Him getting out of his cabin, hugging his crying wife, kissing her head and promising to save his son, scrubbing his hand, praying to god before entering the operation theatre, wearing a head cover, mask, and scrub suit everything was still fresh in his mind like it was imprinted in his mind step by step.