Guilt TO Love

Guilt

The unimpeachably innocent, once plentiful of life, with a soul of poetical nature and a heart full of ocean and owning a thousand dreams in his young eyes decided to sacrifice his life, lost his battle to his own self, and jumped from the balcony of the tenth floor and tried to kill himself, but did he?

He was a crackbrained coward and temerariously selfish in many eyes. But was he really? Wasn't he the fighter who alone fought against the world since his birth? A born fighter. Firstly being abandoned by his own parents and overcoming every problem that came with it, discovering himself to be different from others and struggling against the world just with few countable people by his side mostly all alone, how can a guy like him be a coward?

Suicide is not selfish. Suicide is normally, death caused by the illness of depression. It is the final symptom. A final and lethal collapse under the unbearable weight. Suicide is a tragedy. If you have never been close to that edge try not to judge. What you can't understand. But again a question, was he really depressed?

But then again he didn't match the conventional description of a depressed person that is affixed in our minds. What is the accurate portrayal of depressed people according to regular non-medical people? A person who starts to hide in his or her room. When the person told you something always snatches them and it bleeds most of the time. When they told you he or she is not hungry and when he or she start pinning down the clothes you bought for them. When a person stops doing their work or stops attending school or college and locked themselves in the bedroom at night. When alcohol and pills started going missing out of nowhere. When a person starts complaining and waking up with headaches and said those pills are their only remedy or when a person came out of the shower after hours and hours with swollen eyes. These are only assumed and many times true symptoms of depression, told in quiet and it isn't loud and reason one didn't hear it even slightly because one was not genuinely listening to it. Most of the time we don't even try.

But the fact we are not aware of is that these are not the only manifestations of depression. Every other person who is facing it has distinctive symptoms and experiences related to it. Pushing themself to the ultimate darkness and locking themselves behind the doors are not the only symptoms. Depression isn't always that boy that's crying in the bathroom or the boy that is always wearing long sleeves. It isn't always alcohol, sad songs, and pills bottles. Sometimes it's all smiles and good grades. Sometimes it's the boy who is always helpful and cheery maybe just in front of the world or just to show you and the girl with a pretty smile you are burrowing things with can also be facing it. Depression isn't always easy to notice. There is no such criteria or assumption from which you can identify if one is facing it all you can do is be there for your loved one, listen to them, support them and try to understand them when they share their feelings.

Why didn't he tell anybody he was depressed? He was and anybody in his place would be. What he had and who did he had in his life to listen to him? A clandestine relationship with a married man who in real meaning didn't belong to him, not morally not socially and people who won't leave a chance to look down at him and what happened, at last, took even the remotest hope of his that everything would be alright one day but that melancholic day he finally gave up on his life. He didn't want or desired to die. He just wanted the overwhelming pain to stop. But was he really depressed to extend to take such a drastic step? Was it really a suicide?

"No. It was not"

"It was a well planned murdered which started getting plotted since many years"

He was murdered in front of hundreds of people. His sentiments and his existence were murdered daily and little and little in the most excruciating way. Many people became eye witness of a boy jumping from the balcony and blood that flooded out of his body once he hit the ground and they all assumed it was suicide and many even recorded everything in their phones and if we think about the law it was a suicide in the eye of court and justice but the truth was far away from it, he was murdered and nobody was able to look at many invisible hands that pushed him from that balcony. Everybody successfully and triumphantly played their roles in pushing him down, maybe not physically. Everybody was on the list of murderers but ofcourse their conscience was not that equitable to accept their roles in an attempt to murder of a young boy who has a long and beautiful future waiting for him. They just fake pitied him.