Guilt TO Love

Words-1

Trigger warning- If you get triggered easily please don't read. If you are facing mental health issues please take help from a specialist. I am standing in the same place as you, I can understand what you are going through. I am up for it if you wanna talk about it and really very much thanks to people whom I never met and we just connected through a story, a fiction and they cared about me, tried to talk to me, to understand me. Thank you for being so amazing and caring about a virtual person you never met but you cared.

With trembling hands, toes curled inside his shoe nails digging on it, sweaty eyes, and palpitating heart Mean opened the envelope not completely just to take a peek at it and instantly closed it back. Every part of his body was excessively nervous so instead of facing what was inside the envelope he just left society without doing the work he was there for. He sat in his car and the driver drove off asking about the next destination. Closed windows of the car were suffocating him so he opened it and let the frigid air of evening slap his face and take his nervousness, worry, and negative thoughts away with its strong breeze and it did help for a second but when he looked back at the envelope lying on the passenger seat next to him world again becomes silent for him and anxiousness creep back his way to him. The intensity of various emotions like guilt, sadness, and nervousness made him feel devasted knowing that he hurt his love of life and sent him where he was now and the envelope can be anything, it can be his last gift to anybody or the last words for someone. His heartbeat turned aggressive the moment he opened the envelope and found three nicely folded papers. He took out all the three papers and a small piece of paper which was hiding god knows where in that small envelope fell on the floor of the car. He grabbed the small piece of paper from the floor and gulped his nervousness down his nearly constricted throat and tried to overcome his fear he opened the letter only to get his heart shattered. It was dedicated to someone he would never expect.

"I don't know why Joss but I feel you would be the first person to come to my apartment after my death as you have promised to meet me tomorrow. I don't have much to say to you maybe then a thank you. Thank you for being there for me, thank you for making my most painful days a little comforting with your presence. Thank you for making me feel desirable and loved. Thank you for creating a fantasy for me and making me feel that I can be treasured and deserve the entire world but it's time for me to come out of the fabricated fantasy world and face reality. Sorry for bothering you again but as you said earlier that night you feel like you are my Iron man and come for as my savior every time I face any problem, Can this Iron man do one more favor to me? Can you give these three letters to the people they are directed to? Maybe consider it my last wish. Thank you so much Joss for everything. Thank you for being my knight in shining armor" 

Mean nicely folded the small piece of paper back in the envelope. He wanted to feel bad that Plan trusted Joss with something so important but he didn't feel bad at all. Of course, he wasn't shocked because he knew he never gave any reason for Plan to trust him. He just failed him time and again. By now he was somewhat certain it was his last words in a form of letters for his people. Not one but three letters for three different people. What were the odds one was for him out of all. The idea that it could be Plan's last words for him and thought what could he have written terrified him. Did he write about how badly he failed him or did he write about how he also thinks he took advantage of him or maybe a little shadowed corner of him believed he wrote about he knew that Mean loved him but highly believed that was not possible? His brain was divided into two parts one part wanted Plan's one of the letters referred to himself and the other didn't wanted any letter to refer to himself as it would make him feel more devastated and have to read what he did to him in Plan's own words and that would be extremely painful. He sighed nervously before he opened one of all three letters carefully like it was a piece of glass that would break by a simple touch. It was the grave weight of somebody's last words most preciously his lover's and it felt very heavy maybe not physically but emotionally than it really was in his hand and in his heart too.