chapter forty-one

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After dropping Veronica off at the airport the next day, following a full day of sightseeing and a late dinner, Yael walked into her grandmother's house on the way to work, rubbing the casino chip-sized token in the pocket of her capris

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After dropping Veronica off at the airport the next day, following a full day of sightseeing and a late dinner, Yael walked into her grandmother's house on the way to work, rubbing the casino chip-sized token in the pocket of her capris. The world stopped as she glanced up and found a handful of doctors gathered in the hallway outside Miriam's room. Her heart plummeted to her feet, and her palms grew damp. The room spun, forcing her to reach out and grasp the post at the bottom of the staircase. Dorota was the first to notice her and approached with red-rimmed eyes.

"Is she?" Yael asked in a whisper.

Dorota shook her head promptly. "No, no, not yet. I'm sorry, sweetie, but the doctors say it's time. She won't last much longer. I was just getting ready to call you."

Her mouth worked, trying to form a question. The nurse guessed and answered, "Hours."

Everything inside Yael went still, painfully aware of the mocking beat of her own heart. She thought she'd be ready for this. Yesterday had been perfect, and there were still things she needed to know about her parents.

"Can I see her?"

"Of course. They made sure she'll be comfortable when it happens."

Yael drifted past the three men, not paying attention to their sympathetic stares and murmurs of consolation. Pausing next to Miriam's door, she took a few seconds to gather herself. She refused to spend their last minutes together as a sniveling mess.

"Grandmother?" she called, entering the room. Most of the machines had been moved to the corners, a sign of the inevitable end. Shuddering, Yael crept closer and stared down at the wisp of a woman. It amazed her how fast she'd deteriorated practically overnight. Her hair was so brittle it appeared translucent, revealing patches of her scalp. Her skin, bruised and sallow, gave the impression it'd break upon being touched. Bones were visible through her flesh, pointed and painful looking.

Yael cringed as her grandmother hacked, a nasty sound that seemed too energetic given her current state. Her mind betrayed her, consumed with thoughts of Miriam's coffin and her parents'. Miriam's would be full. Were theirs?

"Can I ask you a question?" she blurted, unable to hold the inquiry in.

"Anything."

Her chest tightened in anxiety. Should she do this? Did it really matter? Her parents were dead. Couldn't she just leave it be? The words left her mouth before she swallowed them.

"Did they recover any of Mom and Dad's remains?"

A short moan escaped Miriam's brittle lips. "Oh, Yael, why?"

"There are over eleven hundred bodies that have never been recovered. That's eleven hundred empty coffins. I can't stop wondering. I wasn't here for the funeral, and I feel as if, in some crazy way, this is the closure I need. I never got to mourn. Are theirs empty?"

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