New Year's Day [A Bensler Fan Fic]

[Ten]

Elliot sat beside Olivia in the lobby of his therapist's office. Olivia was scrolling through something on her phone, while Elliot held Nora and bounced her on his lap.

"Are you okay?" Olivia asked, and Elliot shook a bit in his spot. He had zoned out on Nora, so he was a little scared when he heard his wife's voice.

"What?"

"Are you doing okay? Therapy is a huge step, and I don't know how you will do talking to a stranger about your feelings."

"Yeah, I don't know either." Elliot admitted.

"I will wait out here, so if you change your mind and want to leave, then I'll be your getaway driver." Olivia smiled. She reached over and gently squeezed Elliot's arm as Nora leaned back against her father.

"I'm scared."

"I know you are, El. It scared me when I started therapy too, but it helps. It will help you too."

"Elliot Stabler?" The secretary asked, and Elliot stood with Nora and walked over to her.

"Yeah?"

"Dr. Grant will be ready soon. He's just finishing up."

"Okay... how long is my appointment again?" Elliot breathed.

"An hour. Then if Dr. Grant thinks you need one, we can schedule you another appointment at the end."

///

Dr. Grant called Elliot back not too long after, and that meant Elliot had to give Nora back to Olivia. He walked into the room and sank down onto a leather chair as his whole body shook.

"Was that your wife and baby?" Dr. Grant asked as he sat across from Elliot.

"Yeah, uh, Olivia is my wife and Nora is my youngest at the moment."

"Is Olivia supportive of your decision to start therapy?"

"It was her idea. She goes to therapy to deal with her past, and she thinks talking to a third party would help me out."

"So what is the reasoning behind you wanting to start therapy?"

"Uh, I don't know." Elliot lied.

"Elliot, for this to work, you need to be completely honest with me. I am here to help you, not to shame you. So please, just open up."

Elliot sat in silence for several long moments before swallowing hard as he raked his fingers through his hair. 

"My first wife and I ended things on a good note. She and I were still friends and were co-parenting our five children together. Kathy and Olivia were great friends, but then everything went downhill when the kids wanted to spend more time with me and less with Kathy."

"Was Kathy angry?" 

"She was pissed off... she kept blaming it on Olivia. Or like saying that the kids wanted to be with Olivia more than they wanted to be with her."

"Did they?" Dr. Grant asked.

"Olivia is pregnant again, and the kids wanted to spend more time with Nora and our new baby."

"So what happened?"

"We got more custody of the kids than Kathy did. On the first day of our new rotation, Kathy ended up leaving the kids at their schools. She didn't pick them up or contact them, so Olivia got them and took them to the house. Kathy was gone, and the only things left in the house were the kids' items." Elliot explained.

"Do you know why she left?"

"It is all my fault." Elliot whispered as tears burned his eyes.

"Elliot, are you sure it is your fault? Or are you making it your fault?"

"Kathy said that if I wouldn't have gotten her knocked up not long after the last kid was born, she wouldn't have wanted to leave. It was my fault, and she said I ruined her life. I didn't mean to. I loved Kathy, but we weren't supposed to get married. Our first time together was supposed to be a one-night stand, but she got pregnant and we got married."

"Do you regret getting her pregnant?" Dr. Grant asked as he scrawled something on his legal pad.

Elliot looked up from his hands as his eyes went wide. He couldn't believe that Dr. Grant would even ask that. How could he regret getting Kathy pregnant when it led to Maureen? Or the rest of his kids?

"I could never regret what happened that night. I ended up with the most beautiful little girl... Maureen made me a father and helped me grow up. She is the reason why I am the person I am."

"Elliot, I don't think that this is your fault. But I'd like to continue working through this. Okay?"

"The hour isn't done yet."

"No, but it almost is. I think you could really benefit from weekly sessions."

"But I work and I have a wife and kids to take care of-"

"There is more to these feelings than are on the surface."

///

Elliot walked out of the office, and he was exhausted. He didn't think that talking would make him feel like he needed a nap. 

"Hey, babe. How'd it go?" Olivia asked, as she stood with Nora sleeping in her arms.

"It went okay... he wants me to come in weekly."

"Okay, we can figure out a way to make that work." Olivia smiled softly.

"Liv, can we go home? I'm exhausted." Elliot whispered.

"Of course, love. Take Nora and I will make that next appointment."

Olivia went up to the front desk and started to make Elliot's next appointment when Dr. Grant came out.

"Mrs. Stabler?"

"Yes?" Olivia asked.

"Keep an eye on your husband, okay?"

"Uh, okay... should I be worried?" Olivia breathed.

"I'm not doing this to scare you. It's just that he is having very intense feelings of guilt, and I'd like to give you a head up."

"Is there anything else you can tell me?" Olivia whispered.

"He is your husband, but I cannot tell you anything else. Just support him and let him know that you are there for him. It's important."

Olivia was scared as she walked out of the building. She saw as her husband got Nora strapped into her car seat, but all she could really think about was if there were signs that she was missing. If her husband was planning something and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

"Liv?" Elliot asked as he stood next to the open passenger side door.

"Yeah?"

"Are we ready to go home?"

"Of course..."