Time jump: Stefan's 15 now
Author's note: ik I ask this stuff at the end of the chapter but anyways, is the title of the book good or I should think of something else and change it?
Stefan's pov:
God! Where's the damn money?! I had been saving for years how can it already be all spent?! Shit I need a cigarette.. I haven't even eaten a bite and all I crave for is a cigarette.. God it's 3 already I told nate I'd be there by 2:30 .. It's been 6 months since damon has been gone.. I'm all alone now. I come home and there's rather who'll blame me for some stupid shit just to beat the hell out of me.. I don't even care anymore. It hurts like anything but I know I have it coming so I'm not surprised or lost when it happens. I don't care what he thinks of me. The fact that he hasn't even noticed I drink and smoke all the time says something about him. He doesn't care what I do. I even take sips from his Bourbon bottle all the time and he doesn't even find out. Martha tries to stop me from intoxicating myself so much, says I'm too young to be doing it but am I? I don't think so. If I'm old enough to be beaten every other day then I'm old enough for this. Who cares anyways. I keep trying to find some money for buying cigarettes.. I really need one right now.. Nate won't give me them without money.. He's not exactly rich.. He's actually pretty poor.. He lost his parents in a house fire when he was 10 and has been taking care of his little sister since then.. He has been earning since the death of his parents by selling alcohol and cigarettes.. He's not really a bad person just sometimes things don't work out the way they should and it turns out all wrong.. He does everything to survive, to bring up his sister. I , out of all people , am no one to blame him. He's not a bad man, just a little too money minded.. I know what happens to people who get on his wrong side.. God he's strong- he even beat up a boy when he was bullying me and I had to literally stop him or we would have been both in so much trouble. He's protective of me for some reason but also I know that he's with me because I in giving him money but ik he actually doesn't hate him like literally everyone else and dare I say.. Cares about me a little.. He's got dark black hair which reminds me of damon and whenever I look at him my heart clenches thinking about how disappointed damon would be in me.. But that doesn't matter anyways because he won't be with me ever again. He left me. I just hope for his safety.. That's all I pray for. I know he'll be happier without me in his life.. I couldn't find money anywhere soni gave up.. But I just couldn't calm myself down without a cigarette.. My hands started shaking because all I could think about right now was damon.. God he'd hate me if he finds out I'm doing this- I need to smoke. Shit. I go to father's room and see his wallet there.. I take out some money and go to nate.. He won't even notice the money's missing. Yes.. I need to go..
After taking a hit of the cigarette I felt so much relief. I go back home to see father on the couch. With his face red with anger- oh no- he found out-
"STEFAN. COME HERE. " I went up there with shaky feet. "DID YOU TAKE MONEY FROM MY WALLET?! " I stayed shut for a while thinking what I should say next.. " SPEAK UP! " I shivered, "n-no sir. " " SO HOW IS THERE MONEY MISSING FROM MY WALLET? HUH? WHO TOOK IT IF NOT YOU? DID MARTHA TAKE IT?!?! " He very well knew that Martha had not taken the money and was just saying this because he knew I won't lie if it costed martha any trouble. She's the closest I have to a mother. I can't make her suffer my wrongs.. She'll lose her job and she'll have nowhere to go to.. " N-no- i- " I try to come up with a lie or an excuse but it Doesn't work.. "I took it- " I've barely completed the sentence when I get interrupted by a slap from him. And I stumbled back because I wasn't expecting it at the moment .. He grabbed my face and slapped me again.. "WHY DO YOU SMELL LIKE THAT" He grabbed my collar and lifted me to his level, close to his face.. " YOU TOOK THAT MONEY TO SMOKE?! HUH? YOU DRINK TOO?!?" I don't say anything and he slams me towards the wall sideways.. I feel pressure on ny head and blood starting to drip my the side of my forehead trickling down my ear.. He then turns me towards himself again and pins me to the wall.. I feel his breath on my face.. "You look so much like her.." He grabs my face tightly and I wince in pain. "You killed her. She was stupid to give birth to a demon like you. " He says in a calm tone and although it's nothing I haven't heard before.. It stings like hell. " Take off your shirt." I know what's coming.. He loosens his hold on me and pushes me down on my knees with his leg. I take off my shirt and get ready to get what I know I'm going to. He's unbuckling his belt and my heart races. One. Two. Fifteen. Twenty two. I lose count as he keeps hitting hard blows on my back and I squirm and scream in pain, uselessly as my screams have no effect on him and he only keeps hitting me harder each time. I bite my lips trying to not give him the satisfaction of knowing that he's hurting me and I'm unable to take it like I should.. But I feel helpless as I bite them too hard and it starts bleeding.. I scream and scream but he doesn't stop and I lie on the floor, exhausted, I don't beg him to stop. I won't. He stops eventually and grabs my hand, making me stand up, my knees buckle but I manage somehow. He gives me my shirt to cover up the bloody mess he has created. " IF I EVER SEE YOU SMOKE OR DRINK AGAIN WITH MY MONEY?! I WILL KILL YOU! " " You won't be able to do anything. " I said quietly. I don't care if he beats me everyday. I wasn't going to stop smoking or doing anything in that case, because he said so.. " WHAT DID YOU SAY?! " "YOU HEARD ME! " I received a blow to my face and fell on my back. I tried to get up but he put his foot on my chest , started to kick me senseless. I groaned in pain and squirmed.. Trying to get away.. Then he started speaking, which surprising hurt a hell lot more than all his beatings combined. "YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT?! YOUR BROTHER IS IN THERE FIGHTING FOR HIS LIFE WHILE YOU ARE DOING THIS?! YOU'RE A THEIF NOW HUH?A KILLER? A THIEF? WHAT ELSE WOULD YOU BECOME? I SHOULD'VE KILLED YOU THE MOMENT YOU WERE BORN! I TOLD DAMON HE SHOULD'VE LET YOU GO BUT YOU DEMON! YOU MANIPULATED YOUR WAY INTO HIS HEART! HE'S OUT THERE BECAUSE OF YOU!? YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THERE INSTEAD OF HIM! YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING ASSHOLE?! HE WENT THERE BECAUSE OF YOU! WHAT IF HE'S DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU HUH?! THAT'S WHAT YOU WANTED RIGHT?! UNGRATEFUL STRONZO?! " by the time he ended speaking I was shocked- Damon went there because of me? I was supposed to go? He didn't go because he hated me? He went because he wanted to save me?! One would think I'd be happy that he didn't hate me- believe me I was but- I was a thousand times more engulfed by the guilt of knowing that I've made him put his life in danger because of me?! Why did he do it?! Did he actually think I was worth it!?! I was not- why- What if what father said was true.. What if he's dead because of me- no- no no no that- that can't happen- I don't even notice when he stopped kicking me and left the room. I'm too lost in my thoughts.. How am I supposed to live like this.. He's right to hate me, Giuseppe.. I took his wife from him. I killed her. And now I possibly took away his only good son.. The one he was actually proud of.. I am nothing more than a murderer.. Why do I get to live after taking so many lives? What if I live but live only to take more lives. How long before Martha is dead because of me, trying to save me from father's wrath, what if Bonnie dies because of her lover's brother.. What if nate dies because of some silly buyer he was too kind tom.. W-what if elena dies because of someone who was supposed to be her bestfriend, her rock, someone she could lean onto, but turned out to be a hollow boy with only burden to give to her.. Giuseppe, hell even Giuseppe.. What if he dies because of me.. I can't live anymore.. Does anyone even want me alive? Why would anyone.. All I am is a burden.. All I've ever been is a pain for other people.. Wherever I go I create problems and I wreck things.. Why do I get to live when the people who actually care about me get to suffer and- and even die.. All because of me.. I need to die.. I don't want to- can't live anymore.. I don't deserve to love, to laugh, to breathe.. With all the determination I couldn't gather in myself I try to get up but my legs don't support me.. My head's getting dizzy because of how hard he slammed me to the wall and my body feels heavier for some reason.. I take the support of my elbows and somehow stand up.. Leaning on the couch.. This took way more effort than I thought it would.. I go to the kitchen to bring the pocket knife I saw earlier when I was cutting an apple.. I can't do it here.. Martha would find out and start helping me and all this would go to waste.. I can't take the risk of being saved by yet another foolish person, stupid enough to save my worthless self.. I quietly put in in my pocket and start thinking about where I should go.. Even taking a few steps is taking so much effort and when the fabric of the shirt hits my back I wince in pain.. I should go to the park.. Well.. What used to be the park.. Few weeks back it was evacuated and there was going to be a church made there.. Now nobody comes there and it's the perfect place for me to go to.. I remember I used to go there when I was a kid.. With damon, elena.. Elena was the one who first took me there.. She loved that place. As I'm halfway there I feel droplets his my face and it's starting to rain.. How poetic.. It was raining the day damon told me he had to leave, too. I finally reached the park.. All that was left was a bench and one swing set. Everything else was removed. I look around and memories flood my head.. The time elena and I first came here.. How she asked me to push the swing for her, promising she will do it for me when my chance came but mine never did.. Not that I had a problem.. Seeing her giggly and happy always made me content.. I did however pretend to be mad at her and she used to pinch my nose jokingly and we used to burst out laughing.. How damon and I played ball here.. How I fell down trying to catch it and expected him to make fun of me instead he wiped the dust off my face and pants and started playing again.. Why did those people even try to see good in me? There was nothing positive in me.. I was- I am a murderer.. All I do is give other people pain. It doesn't matter that I don't want to, it happens anyways and there is no one to blame but me.. Ever since the moment I have been born it's been like this.. I've tried to be good, to do good but I end up messing everything up.. I don't want to do it anymore.. I don't want to ruin anyone's life.. I can't.. I need to do this.. It's raining so hard and I sit on the bench and take out the knife and cut.. I make several cuts and it hurts so I groan, but I realise they're not deep enough to kill me.. So I take the pocket knife again and make one deep cut.. I'm bleeding out now.. Good. That's what I deserve.. That is what is supposed to happen.. I feel tired and my visions getting blurry so i lay down on the bench trying to think about happy times but there only so many memories I can think of when my brain forces me to remember the times I've been hurt.. The times I hurt someone.. The day I found out.. The day damon left.. The day elena was gone from my life.. I feel my eyes drooping when all of a sudden I see a figure in front of me.. Shit.. someone saw me now.. I try to turn Or walk away discreetly so that she doesn't see me and try to help me but I can't even move.. I can't see clear because of the rain , and probably because I'm losing too much blood but then she comes closer and she screams my name which makes me realise who she is and my heart drops.. I recognise that voice.. I recognise it all too well.. Elena.
Author's note: ok lowkey a cliffhanger.. For the record, damon is not dead, Giuseppe just said that to hurt steffan and well that did work.. I was at first intending to make nate lowkey evil but now he's a morally gray character, money oriented but kinda caring and helpful..someone wanted a backstory so I have him a little one .. Also Elena is here so yeah that's that.. Lmk if the title of the story is cool or I should think about something else and change it .. And also I may not be able to write regularly for a few days school is annoying the heck out of me but I'll try :) ly and take care
