Chasing Death

Chapter 30

"Love is not always where your heart beats fast and your body craves for the touch of that person. Often love is found in the arms which make your heart calm and provide a home to your body."

🖤🖤🖤

"I'm sorry about everything," I said to Mani again as we stood at the precipice of the farewell.

"It's completely okay. I understand. That anger was directed more at Mrithun than at you, Tora," he mumbled, giving me a quick one-handed hug. But it somehow felt different. The earlier warmth had faded away a bit, and I didn't quite blame him. Rejection is always hard, how much ever we say we are okay with being just friends. There's invariably a 'What if" floating in the air, in every conversation. Acceptance comes with time.

"It's okay," I mumbled, suppressing a sob.

"Treat her well, you idiot." Mani mock punched Mrithun who was standing very still. He hadn't uttered a single word throughout the whole silent emotional exchange between me and Mani. Just Mani's eyes and my tears spoke words our lips couldn't form. And abruptly Mani had shrugged his shoulders, preparing to leave.

Mrithun jolted himself out of his own trance at Mani's friendly gesture, and both men shook hands good-naturedly.

"Keep us informed." I waved at Mani before he melted into the dark.

I let my eyes strain for as far as I could see him. My shoulders were shaking from suppressed sobs. I heard soft footsteps behind me, and a pair of strong arms engulfed me from the rear. I exhaled and let my head fall back on Mrithun's chest. He hugged me tighter.

I breathed in the scent of freshly tilled earth and sighed. Letting go of my inhibitions, I let my body lean on him. I wanted to mould into the space on his chest so that no force could drag us apart. I heard him inhale audibly as he nuzzled his nose into the crook of my neck. It tickled, but it felt heavenly, sharing a quiet moment with him before all hell broke loose on us, literally all of 'hell'. I chuckled at the notion. Is that how the metaphors came into place?

"Mrithun, don't," my voice was breaking.

"Why not?" he whispered.

"Don't tempt me further. I can't help how my body reacts to you and I don't want my body to react that way." I spoke softly.

"But I thought you have feelings for me," he mumbled in my ear.

"Yes, but unless you reciprocate those feelings, you can't have me, not like this." I shrugged, trying to free myself from his arms.

"I have felt something for you since the day I set my eyes on you, Tora." he held me tighter, spinning me around so that I was face to face with him. There was an inch of space between our lips, an inch that seemed like a mile none of us dared to traverse.

"And?" I breathed, closing my eyes.

"And I can't give it the name of love as you expect me to, Tora. I can't love. I am Death, I am an enigma. I am a truth. Love is a human emotion. Love is what your mind feels for this body, maybe. How can you, a mortal, love what I am? I am Death. It's this human form you like..."

"Mrithun, I..."

Something was brewing in my mind at those words flung by him. What if he was right? What if all the attraction I felt for him was because of how he looked? But then, I had seen the monster side of him. I had felt the fear, and I had accepted the fear as my own.

"Tora," he sighed, "It's this mirage that I show you, an image that you like. I'm not a being, I'm a force, and I am a belief. You just fell for this illusion."

"If you are an illusion, then what is this thing which you feel for me?" I said finally, looking into his hypnotically deep eyes.

"And that is where I'm stumped." he shrugged. "I don't know what to name this thing that I feel for you. Is this my human form reacting to you or the inner force calling? Am I attracted to you, or it's simply this body that craves for you? Worship or just pure lust, what is it? There are thousands of questions, but I have no answers. I just don't know..."

I could see emotions, unbridled thoughts clouding in those restless eyes of his.

"Shh." I put a finger on his lips and he immediately stopped talking. His eyes widened. "Some questions are best left unanswered, Mrithun. Some relationships needn't have a name."

"But..." he whispered against my finger.

"Ah no," I pressed my finger harder on his mouth. "For me, it isn't about these opalescent eyes, it's about the smile that you bring on my face. For me, it isn't about the desire of my lips to meet these lips, it's about the safety I feel in your arms. And for me, it is not about how you look, it was always about how you made me feel."

"That's what it is, Tora." His lips trembled. "That's what I feel too. You make me calm, you make me happier. I've lived in solitude all my life and I'm afraid I'd have to endure emptiness again after..."

He couldn't finish the sentence. Even I had nothing to say. My fingers traced the outline of his lips, memorizing every curve and bump. We knew there might be no permanence to this, to us. But I saw in his eyes that he was ready to live this moment with me, live it with no planning for the future, and I was ready to let him. I threw my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly as he hid his face in my hair again.

He took a whiff at my neck again.

"You smell good," he mumbled into my skin.

"Oh, please." I rolled my eyes. "I've been trapped for days in that prison without being able to shower. I stink like death."

"That's not fair. I don't stink, do I?" he chuckled, before parting my strands to one side and rubbing his nose on the exposed portion of my shoulder.

I laughed in spite of myself. Who would've known I'd be standing in a cave with Death himself, playing word games.

"No, you don't. You smell enticing," I giggled. A shiver ran down my spine because he had placed his lips very gently on my neck and that one touch was sending electric jolts through my entire body.

"Why didn't I dress you in something more open?" he mumbled to himself.

"Maybe because you didn't want me to be some Pishacha's morsel."

"Mm-hmm...You're definitely edible." I felt a sudden hot and wet sensation on my neck.

"Are you really tasting me?" I turned my head, looking at him.

He licked his lips and made a satisfied sound at his throat.

"Yep, couldn't resist," he grinned, trying to dive in again.

I placed my hands on his face and gently pushed it away. "Not now. There is another thing that you have to remember about me."

His brows frowned as he looked questioningly at me.

"I've been in a toxic relationship before this," I sighed, lowering my eyes, "So, as much as my body wants you, my heart can't really dive into something more physical and more intimate, not yet."

"I understand, and I am sorry," he replied, shaking his head. "It was just my body reacting to you, too. I didn't mean to..."

I placed my hand on the side of his face and smiled at him. This was so complicated.

"Hey, it's fine. Let's go meet the others shall we?"

He smiled too, letting go my waist. Then he held out his hand, which I grasped. Without another word, we started following the trail of the water, deeper into the darkness of the cave.

🖤🖤🖤