A Shinobi from the Shadows: Kakashi x OC

7. Pain & Leaving

"You have got to stop doing that!" I scolded in a whisper.

"If you wouldn't have left so abruptly, I wouldn't have to," he shot back.

"Just because you're the Hokage, doesn't mean you can do whatever you please..." I huffed.

"I just came to see if you're ok. You left seeming pretty upset. I just wanted to tell you that whatever you're running from, you can tell me," he said kindly.

"I appreciate your sincerity, but I'm sorry... I'm leaving the village at dawn and I'm unsure when I'll return. If you could please let Tsunade know that I'll let tell her when I'll see her next, I'd appreciate it. But please don't feel obligated to stay or check in on me. I'm more than capable of being by myself." It hurt my heart to appear this strong, when the reality was that I wanted to let him in, but I couldn't live that life.

I had to remind myself that even getting this much time with him over the last couple of days had been more than I should ever expect from someone of his position. I didn't want to spend the rest of my days waiting for him or becoming a housewife overnight. I'm a shinobi, it's the life I was meant to live.

I could tell that he knew I was running and lying. But he hesitated, almost as if he chose his words carefully.

"If you ever need anything, I'll be there for you. You know where to find me, but know that I won't chase after you if that's not what you wish," I could sense the hurt in his voice.

He turned to leave the room. I looked at him like it was the last time I'd ever see his face. It reminded me of the last day my mother and I ever saw my father... which hurt me even more.

"I'm sorry, Kakashi-," a single tear fell down my cheek that I quickly wiped away before he could see.

He turned to meet my watery eyes. I was sorry for running, for pushing him away, for hurting his feelings in anyway. I think he understood that I was still going to choose my space. He nodded and headed out the door.

I was awoken by the sun rise hitting my face. I quickly grabbed my things and headed out. The streets of the village were still quiet, as people began their days at home. The birds sang and the cloud cover made the morning cool and comfortable.

On my way out of the village, I again passed by a familiar home: Kakashi's. Thinking that there was no way he was there, he must working already, I decided to slide an apology note under his door, that also thanked him for caring about me and wished him the best.

I had turned around and was a few steps away from the door, when it suddenly opened.

"So much for leaving at dawn," a sleepy voice said.

I turned to find him maskless and in a pair of pajamas. "I apologize if I woke you, I'll be on my way," I said trying to leave once more.

"You're still set on running, huh? At least let me make you breakfast," he offered.

"If I say no, you'll just insist, am I right?" I said with a slight smirk.

"Please, do indulge me," he said opening the door wider and inviting me inside.

"Thank you," I tried to smile.

He sat me down at his kitchen table and poured me a cup of tea. As he fried an egg he asked, "So if you're leaving, I hope you don't mind me asking... is it something that I did to hurt you or was it someone else and now you're afraid of being too intimate with anyone?"

I tried not to choke on my tea, "Well, I think it's a little early for someone to be that blunt," I said in a slightly snarky tone.

"Since you're so set on leaving, what's the harm in me knowing," he chuckled.

"Since you're so nosy.... it was never you, it's... someone else, I guess," I wasn't sure how to word it without being too open but he's right, if I'm leaving then what does it matter.

"What's his name?" He teased.

"...Jiraiya..." I said softly, I was no longer hungry.

Kakashi nearly burned the eggs. "I see," he said to himself, I could sense he felt badly about pushing me about it, thinking it was a romantic relationship that caused me pain.

He finally got through to me. "I promised myself I wouldn't end up like my parents. He loved her so much and she never wanted him until it was too late. The hurt they both felt... I decided I never wanted to go through that. So I decided to avoid relationships entirely..." I couldn't meet his eyes.

He put my eggs on a plate for me, as felt my stomach begin to rumble, but I didn't have the heart to tell him I no longer had an appetite. Sitting next to me, he reached for my hand.

"Friends?" He asked smiling with his eyes closed.

"Friends don't sleep with each other... or drunkenly flirt... or-," I couldn't finish without him cutting me off.

"If we consider each other friends, then what does it matter?" He was trying so hard to make me happy.

"Whatever you think is best, is ok with me," I gave him the most genuine smile I could muster, knowing I'd never see him again.

He tried his hardest to write our story, but I already knew our ending. It left me no choice but to tear out our pages because in the end, I'd choose my pain over his any day.