꧁ 𝓜𝓪i͓̽𝓭 ꧂

-7 'We must try..'

Heyya, hope you're doing alright : )

This chapter took a while to figure out, I did a great mistake to listen to Whitney Houston while writing this..

Let's get into it.

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TW: Angst.. a lot..

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- We must try...

It hurt, but kissing her mended the pain. We weren't allowed to love, yet none of it was illegal, it was just greatly recommend not to try. Her hands cupped my cheeks as if this was goodbye, but it wasn't, not even close. I never wanted to leave her lap, I wanted to melt into her, like a mold. Though.. the mold had a crack, I was falling out of her grip. She was breaking, and I was falling apart.

"No.." She let me go, throwing her head back in frustration. I leaned forward and kissed her neck softly, trying to find a distraction or the pain in my chest. "Please.. darling.. don't.." Only whispers could be heard in the room. She was letting her tears fall down, hitting your face when they dropped off her jawline. I kissed her neck more, knowing she felt the same as I did, but wouldn't admit it.

Her hand found their way into my hair and before I knew it, I was getting dragged away from her neck. "Y/n.. We have to stop, now." The look in her eyes pained me. It was honest, she didn't want me. After all this? Have I just imagined it all?

"Honey, I care for you deeply.." She put her hand back on my cheeks, wiping the tears away with her thumbs again. "But you and I both know that we can't keep going like this. I could lose my job, you could get into a lot of trouble. You understand?" I nodded while biting my quivering lip. "Can I please kiss you.. one last time?"

She nodded, bringing herself forward. The kiss was a symbol of love, though forbidden, strong. Letting us have one last moment until we have to forget this ever happened, but I knew, neither of us would ever actually forget. The kiss was slow, no lust or dominance, just pure love. Eventually, the beautiful kiss came to an end, leaving both me and Joan heart broken.

"Don't be mistaken dear, I love you... But we can't, and you know that. Now, we have to go back to how things were before, alright? Can you promise me that?" My lip had began to quiver again, making it hard not to stutter during my answer. "I-I understand, I promise.." She smiled sadly, making me slime in the process. We may not be able to show it, but we knew that our love for each other would never leave us.

I got off her lap, letting her go, letting her walk away with my heart. And with that, she slowly went into the kitchen. My body was limp as it laid down in the sofa. This was it.. Joan and I couldn't, I had to understand that. I wouldn't accept it, but I would have to if me and Joan would still be able to see each other at all. Joan came back with some paper napkins in her hand. Her makeup was ruined, and I can only imagine what I must look like. I feel like a mess. 

"Here.. let me." She took the napkin to my face and began to dry my cheeks. As she wiped mine, I went forward to wipe hers. The situation must've looked miserable. Two women sitting in a couch, wiping each other's tears away, tears who were caused out of love that won't ever be allowed, nor forgotten. 

The napkin used for her was soon covered in mascara and needed replacement. The same destiny was given to the napkin used for her lips, though trebling, so beautiful. My fingers slightly grazed over her bottom lip while removing the lipstick, so soft... No, focus.. No words were said during this moment, we wouldn't dare. As our faces began to look decent, we decided to stop. She kissed me on my forehead and went to throw the napkins away.