꧁ 𝓜𝓪i͓̽𝓭 ꧂

-10 | 'Fuck the deal..'

Oh, okey, here we go. (Just slightly panicking hehe)

Quick update, yay!

Let's get into it!!
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TW: Angst, honestly are you surprised?
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-"Fuck the deal.."

I couldn't believe my ears, though my mind had no time to think until her lips reconnected themselves with mine. Her hands start to run themselves through my wet hair as I start tugging at her shirt. No. We couldn't, it was so clear that we couldn't.

"Joan.. please.."

The words came out as barely air, but they had such an effect. The woman pulled away looking deep in my eyes for any answer on what to do.

"I-I want you.. but we can't.. you said so yourself.."

She looked sad, hurt by my words. It made me angry how she could get so hurt when it was she who broke my heart. I lightly try to pull my body away from hers, but her hands snake around my body and before I knew it, her tears started falling on my exposed shoulder.

"I-I don't know what to do anymore, dear. Whatever I try doesn't help, it just makes me think more of you, how much I want to be able to love you."

The pressure on my heart strengthened, causing me to clench my fists behind her back. Yet again tears were falling due to our inability to show love, though this time, I was the one objecting. The me a few days ago would be screaming at myself for being so stupid.

"Oh my darling girl.. "

Her hands cupped the back of my head, as if I was going to run away at any moment, honestly, running away seemed to be kind of a good choice, only, I'd do it with her, not from her. (She's a runner, she's a track star 💀🏃‍♀️)

"I am so sorry.. I never should've hurt you like that.. I-I just don't know how this will work.. and I felt that trying and failing, was in this case worse than not trying at all. I was stupid, and I am, again, so sorry.. please forgive me."

Tears of my own had started to fall for her sorrowful words. She was so broken, like I had been just yesterday, though I had the support of Mike. I could see a picture of her laying alone in her bed, crying herself to sleep, due to the lack of comfort.

"Of course I forgive you, you didn't hurt me.. well.. you didn't mean to.. I was mad at myself for falling.."

Our whispers were fortunately low enough for my father not to hear us, and hearing his deep snores over the sound of our tears felt oddly comforting, for it made me feel even more secure.

"I-I really should get going.."

She pulled away, though still having her hands on my waist. The towel still firmly on my body, giving us a border of restraint. A sad smile could be seen on her face, though it made me feel much better that we finally talked about it, if even a little.

"Can I kiss you goodbye Joan?"

"I'm all yours.."

With that I leant forward, giving her my heart for the second time, and hopefully the last. Again, I wanted her, right then and there, but we would have to wait for each other, give each other time. Her hands wrapping themselves lovingly around my neck, while mine cupped her face. Pulling away from her was hard, though this time I knew I'd get the chance to kiss her again.

"I'll see you at dinner, sweet dreams dear."

She kissed my nose and proceeded to walk out of the bathroom. I stood frozen in place, processing what just happened. We-we were actually going to try it, slowly but surely.. I wiped my tears with my towel before going upstairs and into my room.