Winterbaron one-shots

memes. because I said so.

Bucky: just a couple of dudes being guys
Zemo: couple of guys being dudes
Bucky: jus' a couple of dudes bein' gay
Zemo: show me your dick, Ja-
~~~

Bucky, in Civil War: How do you know what's good for me?

Zemo: THATS MY OPINIOOON
~~~
Bucky and Zemo: *making out*

Sam: can you guys, I don't know, maybe not give eachother fucking tongue while I eat and call Sarah?
~~~

Zemo: Can I please get a waffle?

Bucky, Sam, Walker, Lemar, Dora Milaje: *all fighting*

Zemo: can I p l e a s e get a waffle?

~~~
(Rewrite of the last one)

Zemo and Bucky: *making out*

Sam: can I please get breakfast-

Zemo: *stares*

Sam: CAN I PLEASE GET BREAKFAST.

~~
Winter Soldier: remember one time I liked you?

Karpov:No.

Winter Soldier: good, because it never happened!

Zemo, drowning Karpov: :)

~~

Bucky: so basically, uhm, what I was thinking of was uhm-

The winter soldier taking control out of nowhere: *punches wall*

Bucky: aw fuck, I can't believe you've done this-

Sam, watching Bucky talk to himself and punch a wall: Sarah- I'm coming home.
~~

Zemo: Hi, I'm Baron Zemo, and I'm your freestyle dance teacher.

Camera cuts to Zemo killing people in Madripoor

~~

Walker: I don't care about my haters, if you want to fight me, fight me.

Bucky: ԅ( ͒ ۝ ͒ )ᕤ

Zemo: NO-

~~
Zemo: bro I had a dream we fucked

Bucky: bro it's just a dream

Zemo: ha, gay I wouldn't fuck you.

Bucky: you wouldn't?

Zemo: I mean, unless you want me to-

~~
Zemo: no off topic questions.

Zemo, to Lemar: Because I don't want to.

Zemo to Walker: no th- no- permission denied.

Zemo to Selby: that's an off topic question, next-

Zemo to Sam: you have been stopped.

~~~

Zemo: do you have anything else you want to say to the people watching?

The winter soldier: my favorite color is blood.

~~

Bucky and Zemo, chilling in a hottub: yeah so basi-

Sharon, yelling: TWO BROS, CHILLING JN A HOTTUB, FIVE FEET APART CAUSE THEYRE NOT GAY.

Zemo, makes direct eye contact with Sharon before kissing Bucky: 🔪

~~

Prewar Bucky: your j- youre disrespecting a future US army soldier.

Hydra:

~~

Sharon: WAKE UP SLEEPY HEAD

Bucky: h-

Zemo and Sam: man what the fuck

Bucky: *SCREAMS* I FORGOT WE HAD A CUDDLE PILE
~~
Bucky: alright, let's tell eachother a secret about ourselves.

Bucky to Zemo: you, need to fuck me.

Bucky to Sharon: I hate you.

~~

Selby: he does everything?

Zemo: well, he's under my orders. You can't order him around.

Selby: hm.

Zemo: kill her.

Sharon: now this looks like a job for me-

~~

Bucky: can I walk you through a hypothetical?

Sam: what did you do?

Bucky: well technically he did me, bUT-
~~

Zemo: So you hanging out with the powerbroker yesterday and remaking the super soldier serum?

Nagel: Ze-Zemo its not what you-

Zemo: I won't hesitate, bitch. *pew pew*