Uhm idrk how to start, Ive lost all of my friends I think. Idk we don't talk anymore and I'm too scared to text them first cause I'm scared of them ignoring me and I'll look like a dumbass being left on read or delivered I'm it's a stupid thing to think of but it genuinely scares me and makes me not wanna talk to anyone. At the same time I don't want to talk to anyone it feels kinda like a chore and if bothers me so much, I wanna go back to before I met any of them and I was alone just me and my music.
That dude I talked ab last time. I still miss him, an sits so stupid. I remember how nice he was to me, be planned our future with eachother, god it was so sweet. He told me to plan our wedding, I don't remember how the conversation started but I loved every second of it. I decided to delete the pictures I have of him. To help me forget everything about us, yet I managed to keep one photo. The first one he sent me, idk I just love it sm but at the same time I hate it cause it's him. aaaa it's so confusing and stupid. Idk I'll catch myself thinking about him at random times of the day or catch myself accidentally drawing some character that slightly looks like him [God ik it sounds like I'm obsessed with him] I don't even ant to think about him anymore I just want to forget I even met him j regret giving him my number and I regret expressing my feelings for him to early. I should've friendzoned him maybe he would've stayed in my life. Or I should've talked to him when he asked me to about my problems but my problems are so stupid and small I'm scared he'll see it as just complaining, everyday I wait for a message from him knowing damn well I'll never get it. Knowing he's given up on me, yet I still hold to the thought of him just so I still have some sort of feeling? Idek how to explain it without it sounding stupid. Whatever I forgot why I'm talking about this anyways
