Hey Colby ik youll never probably see this but I just need someone to vent out too right now. And your kinda the only person I thought about(In a friendly manner) so here goes. I really need to get this off my chest. You see something has been happening to me(it's stopped now) and it went on for since I was in second grade and stopped at the end of 7th I'm in 8th so my mind still gets fucked up about this. And I can't tell you what happened to me so just please believe me. I feel like no one loves me. Like I get in the way like I'm a worthless piece of shit do I even belong to this world am I even good enough 7th grade was when I couldnt take it anymore and just packed my bags and tried running away my brother tried to stop me while he was on the phone with my mom(she wasn't home) I told to back off. My mom on the phone told me to just go and see me crawling back I didn't want to come back though I never did. When my mom came home she asked why but I never told her she made me feel...
Guilty by saying that I made my brother cry and stuff. But when I went to the living room everything was calm like nothing happened. Am I really so irrelevant that they just forget no hey are you ok or do you wanna talk. Then again I didn't want to talk so it was fine. I didn't eat that day so I just went to were I sleep(on the floor but I have a bed now) I didn't want to cry no more but I did. I hate myself for being so self centered. Three months later or more I broke down in school cause I told my friend I wanted to kill my self and she took it as a joke and just said same like it was laughable I talked to the guidance counselor but she just said it was my hormones and what not. My sister picked me up and took me to my mom's work with her( every girl in my family works in a hotel) my mom was mad at me when I came to her she told me to make myself useful and clean some rooms with my sister when we got home she asked me why once again I finally told her everything and she didn't...
Believe me at first and I had to explain every little detail of what would happen to me. This happened to me everyday Colby every fucking day goddamnit and it hurt it scared me it made me mad. She told me to keep it a secret to not tell anyone and I hate that I can't vent out to anyone. After she told me to keep it a secret I cried away from her not wanting her to see I hated the idea of keeping it a secret. Now I cut I scratch my arms leaving ugly marks over my flesh making me feel like I have Co trol Dover at least something else than my thoughts. I would say my body but that was taken away years ago. Even if they've given it back it doesn't feel like I have control.i cry myself to sleep most days. If not I'm too tired to cry. I still see the person who ruined me. And they scare me make me sad and mad. Mad cause they ruined my fucking life and childhood. (If I even had one) sad cause if hurts knowing I can't change anything that happened. Scared that that person will do it again.
Here I am crying in bed thinking about running away maybe getting something sharper to cut with cuz scissors don't work no more. When. I tried to run away my oldest brother didn't care he just went back to playing on the console when he got home. I wanted to throw up everyday it happened and still do just thinking about it. I'm sorry I vented out on you. Then again you might no see this. And I'm sorry I know it's late my mind just won't let me rest... Bye ♥️
