FINDING JULIAN, SEARCHING ANNA

. chapter 19 .

. chapter nineteen .

I stared at him in disbelief. I felt the rage flushed through my vein. The urge to smack the hell out of him is very high. I felt betrayed and very disappointed. If stares could kill, this man in front of me would be dead by now.

"Why? Why would you do that?" I said to him in a very low tone. Holding to every piece of strength that I have left to not scream at him.

"I just felt like he deserved that," Ryan replied to me.

"You felt like it? You don't think that I think of it as well? Caedyn is my child. He's my child. He's not yours. I am supposed to be the one that brings him to meet his father. Me, Ryan. Not you," I replied frustrated.

"I am sorry, Anna," He held my shoulder but I flinched at his touch.

"I need you to leave now," I turned my back to him. He hesitated at first but leaved my house. I broke down into tears. Everything felt too much now. I am overwhelmed by everything.

I wanted Chris. A lot. I missed him too much. Too much that it hurts. But, at the same time I don't want to hurt myself more. I've suffered the last seven years. It felt like eternity. He can't simply showed up and want to resume back like there's nothing happened.

As I sighted Caedyn stepping down the staircase, I wiped my tears and shook my head.

"Mommy?" He called out. He walked towards me as he reached the last flight of stairs. This boy. He looks like Chris. I love my son but it hurts me everyday to be reminded on how the love of my life left me. I wouldn't want that to happen again. I'll always chose Caedyn now over anything. After all, he's all I have now.

"I think I heard Ryan's voice. Where is he?" My son asked me while looking everywhere in the house.

"He came to drop by your bag that you left in his car yesterday. He had to go to work now," I replied with partial truth where I exclude the part of me kicking him out.

"Ouh, okay," He nodded and went to his bag that I placed on the sofa. He unzipped the bag and was searching for something.

"Hey, Caedyn," I called him. He looked up to me and raised his brow while his hand still scavenging in his bag.

"Where did you go with Ryan yesterday? Did you have fun?" I asked.

"We went to this cafe and I drink this humongous iced chocolate. There's a lot of whipped cream and chocolates," He replied excitedly and his eyes lit up. Of course. This boy always get excited when he's talking about food.

"I see," I replied. I did not intend to ask further so I turned and start to walk towards the kitchen to prepare breakfast for him. Caedyn followed behind me.

"I met someone too, mommy. He came during my birthday," Caedyn said simply. I was stunned and froze at my spot. "He's my twin," Caedyn continue. I turned slowly facing him.

"Your twin?" I asked, confused.

"We have the same name, mommy. His name is Christian Julian Mason and my name is Caedyn Christian Mason," Caedyn replied excitedly. Hearing my son saying his father's name made my heart ached.

"Is it, huh?" I asked, pretending as if I don't know the correlation between both of their names. Of course I know their name is almost the same. After all I am the one that named my son.

"He gave me this," Caedyn bring out his tiny hands in front of me, showing a silver necklace with a rectangle pendant with wording engraved on it.

Julian

His name was engraved on the silver pendant with some serial number under it.

"He gave that to you?" I questioned my son.

"Yes. Julian told me that this is the necklace that he had when he was in the army. And he wanted me to have it as I gave him my dinosaur on my birthday. So it's kind of like a gift exchange," He claimed and putting the necklace over his head onto his neck. The shiny silver necklace is now hanging on my son's neck and he didn't even knew that it is his father that gave him. My heart was aching. My mind is battling on whether I should tell my son the truth or not. From what my son is babbling about, he seems to not know that Chris is his father.

Oh, what should I do?

"What else do you guys talk about?" I asked Caedyn. Caedyn started to talk about his conversation with Chris about their interest, his school and friends but I am lost in my own thoughts.

"Caedyn," I called his name after he's done talking. "Hold on," I said and I walked towards the living room. I went to the coffee table and retrieved the box full of memories. The box where Caedyn found when we are at my parent's house. Since the night Chris came, I've been looking through all of the polaroids of our pictures, reminiscing the good old days before my life turned 360. With the box in hand, I walked back to the kitchen and placed the box on the kitchen island, in front of Caedyn.

"What are you doing, mommy?" He asked, confused looks were plastered across his face.

"Remember the guy that was in the picture with me, Caedyn?" I asked while taking out the pictures and arranging it one by one, side by side, on the kitchen island. Caedyn observed and something seems to clicked in his brain. He looked up to me and I nodded.

"Yes, Caedyn. The guy you see in this photo is the same guy that you met yesterday. This is Chris" I pointed to the picture.

"So, you knew him?" Caedyn asked. Well, I knew him way too much, son. I nodded at him.

"Caedyn," I called his name once again. His sight were glued to the pictures then he looked up to me.

"Remember when you said you missed daddy?" I asked. At this point, my heart was beating way too fast that I feel like it can explode.

"Uh-huh," Caedyn replied, his words were slowed as if he could sense what I am about to say next.

"He's your dad, Caedyn. That's daddy,"

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Whoops, I knew I took way too long to update. I started this book when I begin my diploma and uh, now I am finishing my bachelor degree. Hahaha. I am so sorry. Anyways, hope that you guys like this chapter!