FINDING JULIAN, SEARCHING ANNA

• chapter 17 •

• chapter seventeen •

• • •

"Julienne," His voice were like an antidote yet a poison to my aching heart. The feeling were indescribable.

His chiseled jaw, his dreamy eyes, his luscious hair, he looked similar as he was seven years ago, except that he looked like a more adult matured kind of way.

What the hell are you doing, Anna?

Seeing that I am stunned and has gone mute after seeing him, he opened his mouth again, calling my name.

"Julienne," He said. His eyes were watery, his voice were shaking.

"What are you doing here?" I said, trying to sound confident and strong but my voice betrayed me too. It was shaking and more like a whisper.

"I came to meet you," He said, looking down to the ground.

"Come in," I said, turning back from looking at him. Yes, ladies and gentlemen. I invited in the once upon a time the bad boy that broke my heart into my house. I didn't know what has gotten into me for letting him in. He followed closely behind me after shutting the door. We sat on the sofa, opposite to each other.

"What do you want, Chris," I asked as he was sitting in silence. My heart aches so badly right now. Aching with the feeling of anger at him, missing him, wanting to hug him and wanting to beat the hell out of him. He was quiet, then sobbing. He get up and knelt down in front of me, burying his head on my knees. His action startled me. 

"I am so sorry, Julienne" He said. "I was stupid. I shouldn't have left," He cried.

I glued my sight away from his face. My heart was aching that I didn't even want to look at him. But another part of me wanted to look at him so badly. I'm torn between throwing him away or having him back at me.

"Julienne, please..look at me" he pleaded. He held my hand but I flinched at his touch. I got up and walked towards the window, leaving him on the floor.

"You left me, Chris. You left me when I needed you the most. After all that happen and I thought you would be there for me, Chris. I thought we were stronger than before. I..I" I couldn't finished my words as I started sobbing and tears started to fall on my cheek.

"I am sorry, Julienne..I really am," Chris pleaded. Tears started to fall down on his cheek  and his body started to shake.

"You're sorry? You think sorry could fix everything? You think your sorry could heal the wound in my heart? You think by saying sorry everything will be alright?" I slightly raised my voice. Angers started to hover my feelings. Chris kept silence and glued his sight on the floor.

"Do you know how hard was it for me when you left? I lost half of me, Chris. I even lost myself when I lost you. Don't you realized how important were you to me?" My voice lowered down, just like my heart that has sunken down with all this mess. 

"It hurt me so much, Chris. You put me in a place where I don't even want to be in," I sobbed, wiping the tears that has fall down on my cheek with the back of my hand. "Don't you ever think, Chris?"