Koon Chai Cafe

Chapter Thirty-One - The Hardest Goodbye

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Kopter

The hallway outside the sliding doors of his hospital room was completely deserted.

I had paced the small hallway so many times, my vision had begun to blur and the soles of my feet burned red hot. I attempted sitting still but found that I couldn't, keeping myself moving was the only thing that seemed to keep my thoughts logical and calm.

I ran my fingers anxiously through my hair and began to mentally run through the possible scenarios again, listing them once again from best to worst.

First scenario, and the one I was hoping and praying was true, the results would show that Park's Dad was completely fine and just fainted from exhaustion. He would stay the night in hospital, and once the doctors had been ensured that he was stable, he'll be sent home with strict orders to rest.

Maybe Park could go with them? Maybe this could be an opportunity for them to talk?

I glanced back at the door. Would anyone even be able to talk? Who knows what the atmosphere was like in there...

Either way, if he had something mild like stress or exhaustion, then it was best if I stayed out of everyone's way. I feel like I would hinder Park's chances of reconnecting with his family if I hung around, as an unpleasant reminder of our not-so-straight relationship. Also, if Park only had a few hours with them, then he needs to make the most of it.

I resumed my pacing.

Next scenario, the tests come back saying that Park's father was ill with something that requires treatment, but isn't serious. Maybe he stays in the hospital for a few days while he recovers. Park would obviously want to stay to make sure he's going to be okay, so maybe we end up spending the rest of the week in hospital.

This scenario I could handle, maybe even helped out in. I could ask Krishna to collect any homework or schoolwork we missed and we could do it together in the waiting room. The idea is a long shot, but it might be an opportunity for me to win some favour with them and prove that I'm supportive of Park's academics and future.

I ran my fingers through my hair again and a light flickered overhead as a rumble of thunder sounded, casting strange and distorted shadows on the grey linoleum floor. Would Park's Mom allow us to stay? Does she have the right to send us away? What if it's his Dad who wants us out of his sight? We can't exactly say no to a sick man...

I paused at the end of the hall and gazed out of the small, steel-lined window out onto the rain soaked side-walk below.

Finally, the worst case scenario. The one that I dreaded and hoped would not happen with all my heart. The scenario where Park's dad was not only sick, but ill with something severely, life-threateningly serious. My stomach knotted and twisted painfully causing my chest to burn uncomfortably. I couldn't even begin to think of a plan if the worst happened...

How could I face Park when his dad might be dying and I was the reason he hadn't been there with him, maybe even the reason he couldn't be with him now? In all other situations I could help and support him, but if his dad was grievously ill, then I wouldn't be able to live with myself. If it wasn't for me, for us being together, none of this would've happened. How could I ever dare to look at him when I've caused him to lose so much and to feel so much pain?

I felt sick. My face stung with a thin layer of clammy cold sweat and my head burned red hot. I stared down at my hands which visibly trembled. I shoved them in my pockets, resumed pacing up and down the hall, and willed myself not to throw-up.