obx imagines jj | rafe

BETTER MAN | RAFE CAMERON

This is a short story inspired by Better Man, a song written by Taylor Swift. This is not revised so sorry for any mistakes.

I know I'm probably better off on my own
Than lovin' a man who didn't know
What he had when he had it
And I see the permanent damage you did to me

Never again, I just wish I could forget when it was magic
I wish it wasn't 4 am, standing in the mirror
Saying to myself: You know you had to do it
I know the bravest thing I ever did was run

It lives in my head. Every day when I wake up the memories rush through my mind, so fast that sometimes I think I might still be dreaming. I wish I could forget it all, but the scar he left in me will forever be open, always burning red and I know it will not be easy to erase.

In the beginning, being with Rafe Cameron was a fairytale, for a short amount of time he was the best thing I've ever had, and it hurts knowing that I'll probably never love anyone the way that I loved him, not because there's no other man like him but because I do not think I will ever be capable of trusting any other again.

My heart raced every time I saw him and saying that my stomach filled with butterflies even at the mention of his name is not enough, it was not only my stomach but also my hands, head, arms, and the entirety of my body and soul jumped in happiness knowing that he was alive, knowing the world got to experience the person he was.

I remember everyone telling me to be careful, his own sister, Sarah, begging me to leave while I still had the chance. But I did not see why, so I stayed.

Even when seeing him and hearing his name did not bring happiness and love anymore, even when his presence brought fear and anxiety, even when Rafe Cameron was not anymore the man I once knew, even then I stayed; hoping, praying, wishing that one day something would click in his mind bringing back the love of my life.

Rafe Cameron never laid a hand on me, I still to this day know he would never do it. 

I gave my all to him but he did not see it, or he didn't want to admit it, I gave him happiness, I gave him love. I gave Rafe Cameron all the things he never knew.

I was aware that he was broken, it's a tiny island we hear and see things, I just didn't know how much. And even if I did, It wouldn't have mattered.

Now It's almost 4 am and I'm standing in front of my mirror and desperately crying while I try to put myself together just to not wake up my cat. I know it was the right thing to do, not just for me but also for him and everyone who had ever been involved in our mess.

A mess, that is what being with him felt like. One moment I was the love of his life and the next one the worst thing he ever had, but then when he saw me crying and pulled me into his arms. He would whisper the sweetest things between sorry, and I believed every single one of them.

I am proud of myself because running away was the bravest thing I ever could have done, I saved myself.

Sometimes, in the middle of the night, I can feel you again
But I just miss you, and I just wish you were a better man
And I know why we had to say goodbye
Like the back of my hand
And I just miss you, and I just wish you were a better man
A better man

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, just like now, and think I'm feeling the hands I so much loved grabbing me by the waist. I miss the good feelings, When we could not sleep because we would not stop laughing or impeding him from sleep by peppering his face with kisses.

I wish he was a better man, but he never had one to look up to, his dad was even worse. Rafe Cameron does not have a good example of a man to copy.