A Coalition Story

Chocolate Pudding

Cal sat at lunch, poking at his pasta with his fork. This may have been a place for training assassins and spies and hackers, but it was still a school, and that meant a cafeteria.

Sighing, he pushed his pasta away from himself, but before he could stand and walk away with his tray in defeat, a chocolate pudding cup was set before him. He didn't have to look up to know who had brought him his absolute favorite dessert. Cal would recognize that subtle aftershave and those strong hands anywhere. He'd once been intimate with the person they belonged to: Torin.

"A peace offering," his ex spoke, slowly taking the seat across from Cal at the small table. Slowly, Cal looked up to face Torin.

"What do you want from me, Sloane? I'm not interested in you. I thought I made myself clear." His low growl earned no immediate response from the other man, but the darker haired one ultimately sighed.

"I don't know what's going on in that gorgeous head of yours, Excalibur, but it's not going to end well." Torin, with one arm on the table and the other in his lap, leaned back in his chair. Cal folded his arms over his chest like the petulant man child he was.

"Nothing's going on in there that concerns you," he growled again. His ex raised an eyebrow.

"Everything that's going on with you concerns me."

"It shouldn't," Cal snapped, but his eyes fell on the chocolate pudding.

"Have the chocolate pudding if you want, love, but only if you'll talk to me," Torin compromised, giving the other man a flat look. Cal was so tempted to push it away, to push Torin away, and to walk out of his life for good.

But Ravyn crept back into his head.

"You're half in love with him!"

She'd also thrown both of her shoes at him, but that wasn't what mattered here. It mattered that she was right. Cal was half in love with Torin, and he could never give him up, not for long at least.

Nor could he give up chocolate pudding.

It had been three weeks since they broke up. Three weeks of binge drinking and working out harder than ever and hitting too hard when sparring. Three weeks of avoiding eye contact and each other, both in class and around Ravyn. Three weeks of miserable hell.

Cal was sick of being that way.

"You're taking a long time to decide, Cal, so I'll start. These last few weeks have been hellish. I've missed you like crazy, and it absolutely kills me to see you sleeping around. It hurts to see you in class or at the gym and know that I can't go up and talk to you. I miss you, Cal, and I know you miss me, too." Torin stared at Cal worriedly, as if he wasn't quite sure that Cal missed him, too.

Sighing again, Cal pulled the chocolate pudding closer to himself, trying to ignore the twinkle that sparked in his ex's eyes.

"This doesn't mean I'm getting back together with you. It just means I want chocolate pudding," Cal stated slowly.

"I expected nothing less, Excalibur," he replied.

They sat in silence for several minutes as Cal ate his pudding and then stayed still.

Cal was half in love with Torin. He couldn't pretend Ravyn was wrong about that. But he was also terrified of Aldric, something Ravyn hadn't commented on. However, she wouldn't understand the fear of a parent's wrath. At age ten she had accused her own father of murdering her mother and then lying about it. That was why she had grown up at his house, because Ravyn had never feared her father or his fury.

He wanted to be with Torin. He wanted to feel loved and taken care of and supported. He wanted him back. But his father would have him killed if that happened. Or at least disown him and keep him from ever talking to his family again. No, Cal wasn't close with Avalon or Erik or Meg or his mom, but he didn't want to be cut off from them forever. Meg would be the one to kill him if he came out with the truth and ended up ostracized. Cal wasn't sure he could do that to her, or to himself.

"I'm not sure what to do, Tor," he breathed out, head now in his hands. Torin moved closer, placing a warm hand on Cal's thigh.

"You don't have to figure everything out right now, Excalibur. What's your heart telling you, huh?" he urged. Cal snorted.

"You know exactly what my heart is telling me, babe. But what's going on in my heart will end up even worse than whatever's going on in my head," he pointed out dejectedly.

"And how do you know that, Cal? You're an assassin. You face danger every single day out in the field, so what's different about facing danger here at home?" Cal shook his head while Torin spoke.

"You don't understand, Tor. Your family doesn't care about who you date or who you love. My parents don't either as long as it's a woman. But they'd care if it was you. They don't see you like I do because they're homophobic and ignorant and all of those horrible things. They don't understand anything. And if I date you, I lose the people who raised me. I can't do that to my mom, and especially not to Meg." Cal felt annoyingly loyal to them, despite the fact that Meg was an immature, spoiled brat and his mother was weak and cowardly.

"I understand if you don't want to date me because of that, Cal, but I still don't think that's a smart choice. You're the most independent person I know, for better or for worse. You can't let other people sway your opinions when it's the matters of the heart."

"I just- I need some time to think things through, Torin." He stood and offered a sad smile to his ex boyfriend.

"I'll talk to you in a few days," Cal spoke before leaving the cafeteria. He needed more time than that, but Cal couldn't force the man he loved to wait any longer. If Cal felt this miserable then he didn't want to imagine what Torin, who felt things more openly, was going through.