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iii.stopped at a streetlight
An eternal night it was she wished for. A kind of sleep to never again wake from. She'd stay there, protected by her covers for the rest of her life. A black sheet would shield the sun from ever shining again. Stars would cast along the dark sky. Never again would she need to wake.
Nova hadn't slept at all. She tossed and turned through most of the night. Her brain would not quiet. Insisting on replaying the kiss she had shared with JJ. The kiss had happened hours ago but still, she felt the sting of him on her lips as if it'd just happened.
Parts of her skin felt forever scorched by the touch of him. The placed on her neck held indentations of where his fingers had touched. She felt the squeeze of him on her hips. Her lips savored the taste of him. They remembered every movement. Every trace. It'd been so easy – kissing JJ. It was as if they'd kissed a million times before that day.
But with each thought of the kiss the more the guilt would eat away at her. It would grow and grow. Even though she could not control the thoughts that came of him. It'd still remind her that she was a horrible person – a shameful person. It ripped her apart. The guilt made her realize that she had done wrong. Of all the times she had been hurt in this same way – now she was doing the hurting.
And it made her want to shrivel up and die knowing who her thoughtless actions would hurt.
Nova could not shrivel up and die just yet though. She had school. And life must continue. No matter how much she wished for the world to stop spinning. Even if just for a moment.
She found the strength to finally get dressed. Slipping into her favorite, and most worn, white pleated skirt, Nova paired it with a cropped, white polo shirt. Over it, she threw on a navy-blue crewneck and laced up a pair of high-top converses.
The sweater wasn't needed. It was still August and scorching on the island. But the teachers did not spare a moment to blast the air conditioning in all their classrooms. In three of her classes, Nova sat directly under the vents. There'd been times when her teeth would chatter from the chill air.
Nolan Scott was already in the kitchen when Nova finally descended the stairs. He wore his usual school uniform. Straight-legged khakis that he hadn't ironed along with a wrinkly white button-up shirt that was only tucked into one side of the pants and buttoned only halfway up. The navy blazer lay tossed over the side of the breakfast island and the striped tie had been draped lazily around his neck.
When looking at her brother in his uniform Nova would become sad. Not only did she miss her school and the friends she had there. But she was also missing the chance to have one last school year with her brother alongside her. He'd be graduating in the spring.
