From Broken to Beautifully Broken

Prologue

I want to start by saying that I was welcomed  into a family who couldn't wait for my arrival. Who loved me and cared for me. They spoiled me and did everything they could to make me happy. The circumstances of my journey are not because I was born into any type of chaos. I didn't start my life with the hardships or obstacles so many others need to overcome. Many begin their journey through struggle. My journey, my OWN journey, really began when I was 4 years old. At the end of the day, starting off less fortunate, really doesn't make a difference.  Starting off in an abusive family, homeless, poverty stricken, addicted...they throw you the curve ball from birth.  But make no mistake,  I've seen families with the grandest facades, have curve balls that they couldn't dodge.  Either way both are ultimately shattered. Starting off good or bad, it doesn't matter. Itś not where you start or where you'll end.  It's the journey of getting there.  It's what you choose to do with the ball.

For me it was an unfortunate event that seemed isolated at the time. It happened, I healed over time, I could move on.  I would have never thought this one particular curve ball would have affected me for 30 years! I'm sure any psychologist might have seen this coming, but I was four and had no idea the impact this really had on me, on my soul, on my entire view of myself, on my self worth, on my boundaries, on my own self love. 

The curve balls that life threw at me were hard and fast. I had two choices. I could let them hit me and I could then blame every other thing that happened to me in my life on that. I could screw up and try less because it wasn't my fault. I could truly believe that I was so unlucky and my actions were a result of what life handed to me. I could, for the rest of my life, use this as an excuse to be a shitty person to anyone,  simply because if I was to be held accountable for my actions, I could blame it on "what life did to me". I did this for years. It's the path I chose. It was easy to get away with the things I did by blaming anything else. Choice 2?  Choice two is hard. I didn't even know there was a choice 2 until I was in my 30ś! What I didn't know all those years was that I could use those curve balls to help me grow. To enlighten me. To empower me. It took me 30 years!! Thirty years to realize I had a choice. It took me 30 years of using those curve balls as excuses for poor behavior. 30 years of thinking I wasn't good enough because of the bumps in the road of my journey. It took me all that time to understand that what the universe threw at me, was a lesson.  It was something I needed in order to be a better person.  It happened to give me perspective.

Each chapter is dedicated to a significant point in my life and what I've learned from it as an adult.  No matter how rocky the roads were along my journey, I wouldn't change a thing.  One slight difference, can change your whole trajectory, and I love my path.  I love who I am today despite the hardships it took to get here.  I would relive every moment if I had to, I would just do it with a different mindset or perspective.
My hope is that anyone who reads this, learns, grows and becomes enlightened. Hopefully for you it's sooner than 30 years. My story probably hits home for many people at any age. It certainly wasn't easy for me to revisit these moments. If I can help even one person with my advice and experience then rehashing it all was worth it.

Wishing all who read this peace, love, light and happiness. Xo