Harmless (Bucky Barnes)

(ix)

Hot single in your area! 😈 Find your solemate!

Somehow it bypasses Bucky's spam folder and is in his primary email. SHIELD tech is too advanced to let fake mails like this reach him and this doesn't make sense. Unless it was one of the stupid dating websites he signed up for.

Leaving aside the obvious typo in the subject, he clicks on it, hoping it doesn't unleash a virus onto his computer.

He's instead greeted with a poorly Photoshopped picture of you at a bar with a martini in your hand. He doesn't have to look too hard to see that the martini is, in fact, an emoji. Off to a terrible start already.

Right beside it is an even worse image, an imitation of an early Internet chatbox.

Harbinger of Doom just sent you a message!

Come to the empty lot near lair. Bring goggles. 😩💦

Decline/Accept

He wants to strangle you.

______

"Why did you curse my eyes so early in the morning?" He spots you at the top of the lair, speaking loudly so that it hopefully reached you.

"What?" you yell back down instead. "If you're saying something, I can't hear you."

He rolls his eyes. He pulls his phone from his pocket and presses on your contact.

He watches the look of confusion morph into one of slight surprise when you reach into your pocket and pull out your call.

"Don't ever send an image like that to me again," he says directly.

"If that one image is too much for you, how will we ever make our sex tape?"

His mouth opens and shuts like goddamn fish.

He can hear your laughter even without the phone.

"First of all- stop laughing- first of all, a sex tape is never going to happen. Second of all, I have a debriefing to go to, we need to make this quick."

He holds up a finger when he sees you begin to say something. By the look of trouble painted all over your face, he knows it's going to be a dumb innuendo.

"Thirdly, why are you standing there?"

"I watched The Last Airbender," you say once your cackling dies down.

"I like that show." He did. Peter sometimes watched it when he came over and Bucky more often than not joined in.

"I know, you told me."

Oh.

"Okay, what now?"

"Put your goggles on." You take one step towards the ledge.

"What are you doing?" The goggles don't do anything to shield him from the sun, considering that they're not tinted. Maybe he could invest in those.

You send him a smile, taking a step further. His walk towards the building turns into a jog, then a sprint when you're basically standing on the edge.

You spread your arms out like Jesus Christ himself before flinging yourself off the building. His stomach drops.

His phone falls to the ground, discarded to the side as he sprints to break your landing.

It never comes.

Instead, a gust of wind smacks him in the face, forcing him a few steps backwards.