Quiet Not Innocent | ✔︎

Chapter 29:

A S P E N ♡ W I L S O N
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I don't know how long I sit on the bench outside after Kesam hangs up the phone.

I don't know how long I sit in the cold in my flimsy pajama crop top and shorts, my skin slowly growing numb to the cold as the wind picked up around me.

But winter was coming and it was definitely making sure everyone knew.

I think to myself as more stupid tears run down my face. If it was winter and I was sitting out here, could the tears on my face become icicles?

I pause my crying at the thought and start laughing instead, the idea of icicles being produced from my tears amusing me and taking me away from feeling like shit for a second.

Thinking about that takes me back thinking about my Dad and how if he were here, he'd definitely try it with me. Just sit outside with a bucket or something and we would watch our favorite sad movie and cry while freezing in the snow.

We will never spend another winter, another Christmas together.

A strangled cry erupts from my throat, the pain that had been hidden away for far too long in my heart finally clawing its way up and setting my entire body and mind on fire.

He's gone. My dad is gone.

I'll never see him again.

Oh, God. He's gone for good.

The truth that I'd been trying to put off for so long hits me like a slap to the face, and then I'm screaming. I'm screaming and I'm shaking and I don't know how long but I want this growing ache in my chest to stop hurting so bad.

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts.

"Breathe, babe, I got you."

I let the flood of tears that were gathered in my eyes fall down my cheeks and my gaze becomes less blurry as I stare at Kesam who was squatting down in front of me.

When she got here, I don't know. But I've never felt so glad to see her face.

"Kesam."

Another choked sob leaves my mouth as I launch myself at her, my arms coming around her neck as my knees hit the ground.

"I'm here." She whispers back and that sends me over the edge.

Her arms wrap around my torso tightly and she holds me as I cry into her shoulder, my entire body convulsing violently as I breathed in the smell of cherry blossoms and apples on Kesam's clothes.

I cry and I cry and I cry.

I cry mostly for my Dad.

And I cry for me too.

"He's really gone." My voice is hoarse as I force the words out, mid-cry.

Kesam pulls away to look at me and I struggle to see her face clearly through my tears. I bring my hands up to my face and wipe the tears, forcing the waterworks to stop for a few moments.