Tidal --- Nikolai Lantsov

it was nice while it lasted, right?

hello, I would like to start by saying that i'm sorry if you thought this was a new chapter. I always hated seeing a notification for it not to really be anything, but I hope you read this in its entirety like you would any chapter. Or you don't have to, but I hope you do. 

I have been sitting on this for a while, and I came to the conclusion that I will not be continuing this story, and I'm sorry.  My reasoning, in short, is that I simply do not have the time to work on this fully while also making time for myself and to fix the state of my mental health. I think this website and fan fiction in general has been taking a tool on me mentally and I feel the need to step away in order to better myself. 

I was going to just leave and never come back but, as I was at work today I realized I owe all of you a thank you. 

When I started this it was just for me. I didn't think anyone would even see that this existed let alone read it. And I thought even if someone did decide to open it they would quickly see that this story was horrible and never go past the first chapter. 

But you people have amazed me. 

I wish I could show you my reactions after the first few chapters I posted. The reads started going up and I couldn't keep myself from checking the stats of each chapters. I would post a chapter then quickly go to sleep so I could wake up again and see the updates of the reads and votes. I especially loved the little map feature and I would sit there scanning over the different countries to see every single country where you guys were from. 

You motivated me every day to work on more and more chapters and make it better for you as readers. 

And then came the comments. You will never know until you publish a story how wonderful those comments feel. Every. Single. One. I would scroll through my notifications and read them all and just smile because even though I couldn't meet you or even know who you are I knew there were a bunch of people who enjoyed what I was doing and were listening to me. Especially in my post chapter rants. One of you even made me cry one time. 

You have made me realize how fun writing is and how much I want to write my own book someday and you helped inspire me to start working on it. Which is another reason I am stopping this book. 

I wish I could have another part of me work on this, or someone else could pick up where I left off, but I know that isn't possible. Maybe someday I will open this back up and want to practice my writing and will post another chapter or a short story of some sort but for now this is where I leave it. 

I know it is an awkward place to end, and I have half a chapter finished, but I am just not feeling up to finishing it. 

I found that for me I have to stop letting things like this consume me. I have to stop wishing I lived in these lives to the point where I begin to hate my own life. Even if I find it boring and mundane, I have to be able to stop and romanticize it. 

If you want me to answer any burning questions you have about the book, or what was supposed to happen, let me know I would be happy to answer. I was even thinking about doing a little summary thing that would be in the style of my usual authors notes. Or if you want me to post the half chapter I have with the notes of what was supposed to happen, unedited I would be down to do that for you too. 

I love you all and I'm sorry. 

-holly <3

p.s I hope you like the bo burnham at the top I feel like it sums this up a little. comment here if you want a joke like he says I have a bunch of good ones