Barbaric

Chapter Seventeen

(Delkele's POV)

I was in a rather...unique mood, the next day. I felt lighter and weirdly less stressed than I normally would be, and it was so unusual for me to be in such a good mood that even some of the castle staff noticed the small change in me.

The only thing I could think of that would be the sudden cause of such a mood shift, was what Jox did to me last night in my study. My cheeks then burned at the memory as my heart did a flip in my chest, those dirty images in question popping to the forefront of my mind.

Gods, and now that I was thinking about it, what caused me to allow Jox to do such a lewd thing to me? I mean, in all my years of living I had never had anyone do something so...lewd to me before. But it had felt incredible, and I wasn't quite sure how to wrap my mind around such a thing.

Hell, it had been such a mind boggling, and admittedly embarrassing experience that I decided to avoid my study for the day, and instead, roam around the castle. I knew I had a pile of work to do...however, I doubted I would be able to concentrate on anything with images of Jox's dewy, blue eyes staring up at me as he...

Gods, how was I going to face him today without being awkward, and weird? Should I just avoid him altogether and hope he doesn't realize I was deliberately hiding from him?

I mentally shook my head. No, you need him to help gather workers for Asurah. Not to mention, knowing him, he would actively try to seek you out, and face it Delkele, you suck at hiding, I chided myself mentally, nibbling at my bottom lip.

So that was definitely a no go.

I took a breath and ran my fingers through my hair, my gaze flickering over to the floor-to-ceiling windows that overlooked the town of Narazeth. I admired the way the rising suns made the various roofs down there sparkle, and for a fleeting moment, I wondered if I should seek Jox out and show him around.

As soon as that thought crossed my mind, I was suddenly yanked and turned around, my back smacking against the wall by the window as my sister pinned me in place.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" She snarled, baring her fangs at me as her crimson gaze snapped fire.

My brows furrowed in confusion as my chest swelled with annoyance. "What do you mean, "what the hell am I doing?" I was merely walking around in peace until you showed up." I bit back, watching smugly as her expression darkened.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if the whole castle heard you last night." My mocking smirk immediately dropped as mortification charged up my spine. "It's that Glacic man, isn't it? He's not here for two days and already you're having a hard time keeping it in your pants." She poked me in the chest, hard enough to bruise, but not enough to draw blood. "Need I remind you that you're engaged? And to a princess whose father could eradicate our entire people, should said engagement goes awry?"

"I didn't ask to be threatened to marry someone I am not even attracted to," I muttered, my heart clenching tightly in my chest.

Delra narrowed her eyes. "Perhaps not. But you did initially agree to the arrangement for the protection of Naraka and its people. Are you really going to risk a war over the thing in between that man's legs? Risk all those lives for just one man? You're even dumber than I thought, Delkele. Willing to risk our home for a man. And a foreign one at that." She stepped back, staring me down as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Hell, maybe I should take care of that particular problem. Before you succumb to temptation and end up killing us all."

Feeling anger bubble within me at the subtle threat towards Jox, I gripped her biceps and roughly switched our position to where I was the one pinning her to the wall. "Don't you even dare lay a finger on him Delra, or so help me gods."

Delra leaned forward, her braids spilling over her shoulder as she met my gaze, unphased by my threat. "Then figure something out, or I will. I will not have you risking millions of innocent lives over your selfish needs."

I growled in her face and narrowed my eyes, tightening my grip on her arms to the point I knew it would bruise in the morning. But she stood her ground, glaring me down until I let go of her and stalked away, tears threatening to spill as I rushed out of the castle to my private place to think.

Once I got to my little sanctuary -a small cliff overlooking a water oasis- I sank down onto my knees in the sand, allowing my tears to fall as my chest tightened with grief and heartache.

As much as I hated to even think it...Delra was right. Dammit, she was right. I held the lives and freedom of my people in the palms of my hands, and all I was doing was being selfish. I was putting my own needs above my people's, and that was something a king should not do. His people came first. Their needs mattered more than mine, and dammit, I was a fool to think I could ever be happy with a man I lo-cared about.

I shouldn't have let Jox get so close. I shouldn't have allowed myself to care for him so deeply.

And the pain of that realization had me sobbing, my heart wracked with agony as grabbed two handfuls of sand before tossing it away from me with an agonized shout.

I wasn't allowed to be happy, was I? I wasn't allowed to settle down and live my life with a man I loved. Asurah didn't work out, and now...now I was being forced to turn Jox away, the only man who truly understood me. All for the protection and safety of my people.

It just wasn't fair. How come every other king in this blasted universe was allowed to have companionship? Asurah was allowed to fall in love and marry the man he had given his heart to. Teiken was about to have a child with the woman he loved. Why wasn't I allowed to have someone to hold close to me? Was I cursed by the gods, or something? Was I meant to live out the rest of my days in misery?

I wrapped my arms around myself and pressed my forehead against the sand, wanting nothing more than to just shrivel up and disappear from this cruel fate.

I just...I just wanted to be happy. But that seemed to be asking too much from the gods, and now I had to say goodbye to the man I loved, for the safety of my people. And I-I did love Jox. I loved his ability to include me in conversations and tell me jokes. I loved his bad humor and his pretty eyes and soft skin, and his intelligence. He was incredibly smart, and I had no doubt that he would think something was amiss when I inevitably told him we needed to end this.

Whatever the hell this even was.

And I knew it would hurt him when I turned him away, because...because I think he cared about me too. I wasn't sure if it was love...but...I'd like to think he cared about me more than just a friend. He wouldn't have done...that to me last night if that were the case. Right?

It hurt that I was being forced to let him go, because if he did care about me as I hoped he did...he would be the first person who actually liked me. Gods I hated this...but what choice did I really have? I was doomed as soon as I accepted that engagement idea, and now more than ever did I wish I had turned it down. Because if I had...maybe Jox and I could have spent the rest of our lives together.

A/N: Oof I am so evillll. Give yall such a juicy chapter last week, only to make this one slap you right in the feels. My poor buff boys just need a breakkkkk