Barbaric

Chapter Eighteen

I wasn't quite sure how long I stayed out there, but eventually, I found myself in the castle's throne room, my puffy eyes on the eyesore that was my throne. My cheeks were no doubt as red and blotchy as my eyes, and every inch of me felt drained and wore out. Hell, I was surprised I was even standing with how drained I was. And to be honest...I wasn't even sure why I had even come here, out of all the rooms in my castle.

Maybe it was because I wasn't ready to face Jox yet. No, I was scared to face him. I didn't know what to even say to him, or even how to approach him with this unforgiving news. I just didn't know what the hell to do, and I've never felt more useless in my life than I did now, while it was all falling apart.

I sighed and tore my gaze away from my throne and looked at my large hands, not really knowing where to go from here. I smiled bitterly to myself.

And to think I started out my day in such a good mood. I should have known it wouldn't have lasted long.

I dropped my hands to my sides and slunk down on the floor, hanging my head between my legs as I just sat there in the stretching, uncomfortable silence. I was going to be miserable being married to Emylle. And it wasn't even her fault, either I just...I wasn't even physically attracted to her, and I doubted I would ever see her in that way. She didn't deserve that. She deserved to be with someone who would actually care about her and be with her romantically. Besides, she shouldn't have to be tied to a man who was in love with someone else, it just wasn't right.

"Oh, there you are! I've been searching for you all day today, and...hey, are you alright?"

I flinched at the sound of Jox's voice, my heart beating faster as dread filled in the pit of my stomach. I wasn't ready to face him yet. Dammit, I deliberately wanted to be away from him until I was able to gather my thoughts together. Hell, what was I going to say to him? Why did he have to show up now, while I was completely unprepared?

I tensed when I felt a cool hand on my shoulder and a body kneel next to mine. "Are you ok, Delkele? What's wrong? Please, talk to me."

And dammit, I couldn't stop the tears that abruptly spilled down my cheeks, my heart clenching painfully at his worried tone. Jox was worried about me. He was worried and I was about to break his heart. But...I-I knew Jox would one day find another to give his heart to. He was handsome, and sweet, and kind...and whoever eventually won his heart, well, they would be lucky to have him.

I just wished that it could have been me.

A few seconds later, although it felt much longer than that, I turned to face him. He looked so damn worried for me, with his brows pinched together, and those blue eyes glittering with concern. My heart pinched in agony, and I had to look away from him to keep from crying again. Gods, I was such a cry baby.

"I-I came to a realization today," I started off quietly, staring at my hands, "about us. About whatever this is. Delra's already approached me, and-"

Jox pulled his hand from my shoulder, and when I looked at him, he was staring at the floor with a troubled look on his face. "I think I know where this conversation is going," he muttered, exhaling a humorless laugh as he shook his head in disbelief. "You're choosing Emylle over me."

I glared at him as a sudden burst of heat hit me. "I'm choosing my people Jox! Innocent men, women and children who shouldn't have to suffer because of my selfish desires. Naraka isn't like Glacida, Jox, we don't have stacks of treaties with planets that can aid us in battle. We're all we have."

Jox shook his head and my heart split in two when I saw the tears forming in his eyes. "You have us, Delkele. You have Asurah, and you have Teiken,"

"And they're still recovering after Vextian's crap, Jox. For gods' sake, Asurah is building shelters for his people so he doesn't have to lose anymore, and I refuse to drag him into my mess."

Jox then stood up, sniffling as he looked down at me with agonized blue eyes. "I've only ever given my heart to one other person, Del...and he left me for someone else, too."

My heart broke even further as I stood up as well, hesitating before taking a small step towards him. "Jox,"

Jox shook his head and looked at me, pinning me in place with those brilliant, beautiful eyes of his. "No. I get it. You have people to protect, and really, I do get it. But Delkele? You shouldn't have to be bullied into making that choice. You're your own person, and only you can choose what happens." He tore his gaze away and began rubbing his arms, looking like a kicked puppy. "Despite the claims about you...you're a good king. Anyone else would have risked war to be happy, but you...you care more about your people's needs than your own, and I understand." He then gulped and looked down at his hands. "I-I think it'll be best if I return to Glacida so I-I don't cause any unnecessary problems for you or your people. I'll have Asurah work with you over comms. He'll have more of an idea about what he wants for his bunkers than I would."

He gulped and went to turn, and I don't know what made me move, perhaps the fear of losing yet another person I cared about, but before I knew it, I grabbed his arm, forcing him to stop in place. "I-I love you." My voice was quiet, barely above a whisper, and I honestly don't even know why I said it. Why I admitted such a heavy thing so suddenly. It just...came out of me, and Jox was rigid under my hand, and now I was beginning to regret saying anything at all.

He turned slowly, bright blue eyes clashing with crimson. I yanked my hand back as if it had been burnt with fire and gulped, averting my eyes in shame. "I-I'm sorry, I-"

I gasped when Jox cut off my words with a passionate kiss, his hands grabbing both sides of my face as he shoved me against the nearest wall, keeping me in place.

Initially, my eyes were wide open with shock, but eventually...I let myself have just this one thing as I closed my eyes and kissed him back just as fiercely. One last hurrah before my life fell into misery.

I at least deserved that much.

I hummed shakily as Jox's tongue slipped past my lips, my blood warming with desperation. Was this a bad idea? Probably. But did I care? No. However, I was worried about the prying eyes of my sister and anyone else in the castle, so with great reluctance, I pulled away from the man in front of me, breathless as I caught his glazed eyes.

"We shouldn't do this here," I muttered against his lips, causing the other man's breath to catch before he nodded his head in agreeance.

I almost cried when Jox pulled away from me, rubbing the back of his neck. "Whose room is closest?"

I cleared my throat, my heart heavy in my ears. "M-Mine. But we need to move fast, I-I don't want anyone to see us and take this back to my sister. Gods know she wouldn't ever let me hear the end of it."

Jox nodded and grabbed my hand, silently telling me to lead the way. I bit my bottom lip and inhaled shakily before I gathered my courage and began dragging Jox with me, my eyes peeled for anyone out an about as I took him to my room. Luckily, there seemed to be no one meandering around, and as soon as my bedroom door closed behind us, Jox was pinning me against the wood, mouth attacking mine as he pressed his body close to me.

My blood felt like it was bubbling as I grabbed Jox's neck and pulled him closer to me, our tongues clashing as my body swelled with arousal. And in this moment, there was no one but him and me. Screw Elphes and his threats. Screw everything and everyone else. I was allowed to be a little selfish, wasn't I?

After a second, Jox pulled away, pressing his forehead against mine as he met my gaze, desire swirling in crystal blue. "Are you sure about this?"

I answered him by kissing him aggressively, lightly pulling back with his bottom lip between my teeth. "I want you, Jox."

A/N: Full chapter in Frozen Treats, and just a full disclosure....this is probably the hottest damn smut scene I have ever written and holy freaking crap, man, I am so proud lol. Like wooooh.

Anyway, enough of me being weird lmao, I hope yall enjoyed the chapters, and those of you who're also reading this in Frozen Treats...good luck lmaoooooo