Elevator

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"Have a seat." Ahjumma said, snappy as usual. She had on an orange crepe top that was painfully bright to look at. I took a seat across from her and Bang PD-nim.

Before taking a seat, I awkwardly bowed to the CEO, not sure what to say or how to react.

Ahjumma was shuffling a few papers. "So," she said, locking eyes with me, "what have you and Jungkook been up to?"

I gulped. My brain involuntarily recalled every single moment we'd shared in the last few weeks. This is it, I thought. They're going to humiliate me and fire me. Life isn't a movie after all.

Meanwhile, Ahjumma continued, "- more importantly, who started it?" she turned to Bang P.D-nim, "it can't have been her, sajangnim. She doesn't butt in unless asked. Anyhow, it's not a big deal, Y/Naa though I'm surprised that you had it in you to do it."

"It's not - I - wait - what is this about exactly?" Words finally stumbled out of me.

Ahjumma stared at me.

"The new song obviously!" she snapped.

Now it was my turn to stare at her.

"We can't tell her the name now right -" she said to Bang P.D-nim. His expressions made me feel like was measuring me up.

"You really are clueless about this, aren't you?" Ahjumma said. "Whaa see that's why I said she never butts in unless asked. Jungkook informed us that you provided some crucial ideas for his solo song -"

oh.

OH. THAT. That evening at the terrace.

" - you didn't actually write anything for it so there's no question of credits - but he insisted that he borrowed significantly from you and you must get some compensation..." Ahjumma continued to talk.

I made a mental note to scream my lungs out at that boy for not warning me about this.

A few minutes later, I was out of the dreaded meeting room walking towards the elevators. The compensation was quite handsome considering all I had done to help was babble about my awkward teenage life. I had a slight feeling that I was now an invisible part of some historic music piece without having an iota of musical knowledge. That ought to have made me happy.

But I kept thinking about what Ji Hyuk oppa said.

It never lasts.

The stress, the lack of time - we were already snatching and sneaking around as if what we had between us was stolen time - not what we deserved but could only steal by risking everything.

I hated it. I hated to think that the chances of us being reduced to a dispatch article, or of me being known as the tragic ex of someone famous were much more than of us being anything significantly meaningful for my life. That was all I could think about then. I decided to become selfish. And pessimistic. It was easier.

I loved my simple life. The biggest reason I gelled in so well in this industry was that I could always put my feelings aside and work endlessly. Nothing moved me.

Why did I change for him? I didn't answer myself then though deep down I knew it was because he did something that he wouldn't ordinarily do. He took the first step. Several steps in fact. He changed first - reaching out to me in all the ways he did.

But I didn't think of this then. I held on to my fear and my resentment. I wanted the easy way out - so I did the stupidest thing I could have done.

I took out my phone to text him something, but the universe must have wanted me to reconsider because right then, the elevator doors opened and he was there.

He looked so happy to see me.

But I and my self-proclaimed heart of stone would have none of it. I didn't smile in return. The elevator doors shut behind me. I had 4 floors. He must have noticed that I was out of it because he started to say something with concern. I cut across him,

"Let's not see each other outside of work." I steeled myself and didn't stop. "Let's not. It'll be much harder later for both of us." I chanced a glance at him. It nearly broke me. I'd never seen him look like that in all these weeks of catching every single expression his face offered. His face still had remains of the smile that he'd worn not more than a few seconds ago. But his eyes reflected shock. Because of me.

And I still managed to continue, "Think about it, Jungkooka. You don't belong to my world anymore. And you won't ever. How long are we going to sneak around? It's too much trouble for something bound to fail anyway."

My time was nearly up and I was glad because I could not continue. I hadn't cried in months, and I wasn't going to start now. I would not allow myself to regret this, hell no.

I didn't even bother to check what floor it was when the elevator opened. I didn't look back either. Not even when he called me back. I just ran. Where do you run to after you sin? I hoped no one would find me.

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