The fragile voice and Untold Terrors

Having to let go

"Im sorry... I can't do this..." Was I all I could choke out, I ran and ran and ran until my feet were killing me.. I wasn't at home, wasn't at the dorm, or even near home. There was this old but very lively dance studio I came across a few weeks ago. I visit when I can so that I can help with the students. They passionately dance while I silently sneak by to the teacher.

"Ah, N/n (nicknames), Why are you here? Come to visit?" I smiled, He was an older man mabey in his late 40s but his dancing was still something I enjoyed seeing.

"I just came to ask a personal favor. I'm going to talk to my dad as well. Can we talk outside for a moment?" He seemed a bit confused but didn't hesitate with his answer.

"Of course, Five minute break everyone!" He spoke softly to me and then such proudness with the others. We walked outside in silences and stood by the bridge and looked up to the old but yet pretty oak tree. We have them a lot where I grew up but these were just something different.

"So what's going on my dear?" He was standing waiting there while I searched for a way not to cry. I bet my eyes were already red and puffy.

"I decided I was going to live in the UK or go to australia for about a year. I really don't wanna go home so I was hoping I could stay here and help with the studio for awhile." He gave me looks my grandfather use to when I was with my preves parents. I'm still sad to hear or think about them but they were going to stuffer cause of the accident and im glas they don't have to now.

"I wouldn't mind you staying but is there a reason why? You know  I don't have children or grandchildren but I'm here to listen if you need some wise sayings." He chuckles like the first time I met him... 

"I just don't want to burden some people, I don't have confidence in myself so i'm afraid I can stand where I need to and I only follows those who I have to. I don't show myself as me I show it as if Im just doing as i'm told, Like a puppet." He stood and didn't speak so I continued, "I love them, All of them but I don't want to be a burden, they haven't even started their career and people are already leaving because of me. I can just sit and let them take care of things anymore. I don't want to be around to see my problem burn them to the ground." 

"I don't think your following as your told. I think your to afraid to speak your mind for the fear of being left, hurt, or most likely hurting others. You seek to make everyone happy but yourself so to the help them you take yourself out the picture. What do you truly want right now? More than anything in the world?"

"YAH! Turn it back on!" Jay was so mad when they turned the tv off when we were watching the good part of the movie. 

"Hyung, Your loud, shush! I'm tired.." Niki... He was sleeping on my lap, I look around to see Jungwon and SungJoon talking with Jake. I looked over on my right to see Heeseung just listening to music while writing. These... These are the people I love the most, The one the I want most... 

"Ha, I guess you're right. " I looked at the older man, Li, "I know what I want and to be away form that is to much for me to even think right now." I smiled up at the tree.

"Good, Your always welcome here if you need me or anyone's help. You've done so much for us." He's eyes disappeared into his face. I giggled and said my goodbye to everyone. All I could thinking about was returning to my babies. I grabbed my phone and called Jay.

"Yin! Where are you? I'll come get you." His voice and the others... I couldn't help but cry.. I wanted to hold them, them to hold me, I wanted them around me at that moment so bad. I never felt like this before so i'm emotion.

"I'm... *sniffs* at the cafe. I'll wait *sniffs* for you." He hung up and for the next 5 minutes all i could do was wait and cry. I was curled up by the wall crying.